What is seen as fair

[Nitotoo]

Just that really what is deemed fair in the eyes of a judge. XH and I are heading to court soon for FDR he had previously made me an offer which he deemed fair but my solicitor said starting point of 50%.

To give brief details met in 2014 after my first marriage ended and I had been made redundant. My daughter from my first marriage and I were living in rented accommodation and in receipt of full benefits. XH was in the process of buying a home to renovate and get on the housing ladder. I stayed in rental accommodation. I fell pregnant with our DS in 2015 and XH then sold his first property and bought a family home for us all to live in in his name. We moved in in Jan 2016. I was still not working due to having a baby and had struggled to find anything since being made redundant. We married in 2017 after XH took a loan to fund a wedding and a new car for me. This loan is like the house in his name only. I was able to find a part time job around this time around XH working commitments working 16 to 20 hours a week to bring in a small income. In 2018 we seperated and I left with the children to private rented accommodation with benefit top up from UC. XH stayed in his house.

Were struggling to reach an agreement as he offered 16k I keep the car and have no liability to the loan. My solicitor said 50 50 which is more like 80k with the equity and current house prices.

XH has moved his new partner into this house. Due to financial disclosure they both have a healthy salary and seem to have a good life whilst me and the children have been served section 21 and forced to move and struggle on UC as I can only work 24hrs a week when children are in school. I don't feel very secure in rented accommodation and feel I should have stayed in the house.

Would I be likely to gain an order to get back in the house? Would I be likely to get 50% I realise at a 14 month marriage and whole cohabiting relationship of 34 months it could be deemed a short marriage but there is a huge difference in our circumstances which cannot be seen as fair. If I'm forced to work more hours who picks up the childcare bills, XH? I could possibly work more hours but I doubt I could get a mortgage more than enough to buy a place I would need. My solicitor is saying to hold out for the FDR and my XH is saying the original offer he made is now off the table. My mum could potentially gift me a 6 figure sum towards a house but I would need at least 50% of the equity to top this up to what is needed. Would I then get spousal maintenance to top up the loss of UC to live off he is quite a high earner on about 70k a year (I already get cms payments however the min cms amount) would I really be liable for half of the loan that XH took in his name only? His claiming I should be however I would think he has nearly paid this off by now.

@Fuuuuuckit

* I do not expect his partner to keep me but if you are in a serious Co habiting relationship both being high earners it's a lot easier to meet your housing needs than it is for me. If I had a millionaire boyfriend I was cohabiting with I'm pretty sure it would be deemed my needs are met and effect my settlement so surely that works both ways?!*

This is a quote from OP. Do you expect that if, in the future, you should find a man brave enough to take on you and your 2 dc, that you would repay any of your hoped-for divorce settlement, as he would be then able to contribute to your household? If he has a great salary, can you imagine him being happy to step straight in to provide for the 3 of you as you would gladly repay the settlement, because new dh has a good wage?

Good luck op. You're going to need it.

I do like how op talks about If I had a millionaire boyfriend I was cohabiting with I'm pretty sure it would be deemed my needs are met So 'my needs' nothing about the kids! And of course if she does meet a millionaire am sure op would be happy to make payments to her ex, you know to make sure they have an equal standard of life in both homes...

This is definitely a thread that explains why many men are refusing to marry the mother of their child!

@vivainsomnia

This is definitely a thread that explains why many men are refusing to marry the mother of their child!

And not just providing housing for his child(ren) and their mother but on the hook for giving up assets to support a child that isn’t even his. Why would anyone recommend that their son or daughter get married if they are liable to pay for kids that they had no input in creating and whose biological parents don’t need to provide a mortgaged house for?

[quote Nitotoo]@MichelleScarn because I don't want to put my kids into poverty whereby I cant afford the things they need. UC does not cover my full rent it would not cover all my childcare costs for 2 children you also loose some UC the more you work anyway I will be worse of financially and potentially have to then choose food or heating. It may work for you to work full time but it doesn't for me.[/quote]
You do know you can get 85% of your childcare costs on UC?

Surely they’ll look at your income- you must be getting something like 1.5k in child support plus income and universal credit and child benefit. When you take into account tax and ni your incomes aren’t going to be that significantly different?
I’d personally be a bit worried that your solicitor is over promising and racking up an enormous bill at the same time. Could you get a second opinion?

Another question. If OP may be entitled to equity in the property that's accumulated after they split up, would there ever likely be a scenario where her ex would be entitled to a split of the $100k gift from the OPs parents?

@DropYourSword

Another question. If OP may be entitled to equity in the property that's accumulated after they split up, would there ever likely be a scenario where her ex would be entitled to a split of the $100k gift from the OPs parents?

I think the answer might be yes if they gave it (or it was declared on the E1 form where you have to state if anything will be given in the future), but I guess OP plans to not declare that.

I took it that they would wait until after the divorce to give it to OP. They seem to be on a mission to support her to get anything she can out of him which is really strange if they have much money themselves to help OP.

@vivainsomnia

I took it that they would wait until after the divorce to give it to OP. They seem to be on a mission to support her to get anything she can out of him which is really strange if they have much money themselves to help OP.

I don't think the parents are clued up at all in this situation. I would bet, they also believe everything is a dead cert.

I wonder how much they are planning in throwing at legal fees. Op seems to think it's a bottomless pit.

Personally, if it was my kids I would rather them get it sorted quickly and give them the money, rather than it go on legal fees.

I can foresee some problems if the costs keep rising and OP gets very little.

As an aside, when I divorced, assets accumulated since the separation were not counted. Which worked in my favour. Because as a 'vulnerable single parent with no higher education' I studied and also significantly increased my income, during that period.

But i can't remember if that was by mutual agreement or just a standard part of the process.

That’s the main concern really, that costs are spiralling and depleting the pot for both parties. The only winners here would be the solicitors who already seem to be keeping OP on a leash dangling a carrot in front of her.

You are both being stubborn and will end up with nothing after legal fees eat it all. The solicitors probably think you are both their new best friends.

This is like the judgment of Solomon, but neither of you seem to care about the child, just winning, although it will be a Pyrrhic victory.

Make a final compromise offer and get on with your life. If he refuses it (assuming it is sensible) he will look bad in court and you are more likely to get costs.

Ask a couple of solicitors where a sensible compromise would lie and take their advice.

I ended up paying my ex 25k more than they were entitled to just to get him off the mortgage and deeds. It was worth it in the long run for the sake of dc. The relationship fallout would not have been worth it. As the higher earner, I decided my dcs well-being was more important than fighting for a fairer split of equity (deposit was 50k of which he had contributed zero but I foolishly believed in love and marriage being forever).

If you’re lucky, your ex will take a similar attitude to mine. But you won’t deserve it and you know it.

I should add that my solicitor was confident that I would win should it go to fdr but my ex took the same tactic that you are using which was to drag things on in the hope that it would wear me down and I would pay him off.

He succeeded but at what cost? Without incentive to actually get off his arse and find a proper job he is wasting the best years of his productive life. This way he continues to be a scrounger and find more women to cocklodge with until he loses his looks. More fool him.

Make a final compromise offer and get on with your life. If he refuses it (assuming it is sensible) he will look bad in court and you are more likely to get costs.
And what if makes a final compromise offer and op refuses? Will she look bad?