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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Maximum length of time still in same house after proceedings started

22 replies

thinkingSilver · 31/01/2022 22:07

I’ve got another question.
I know many people stay in the same house whilst they are getting a divorce.
Soon to be ex husband had a serious conversation in June 2021, that he wanted divorce in June 2021.
The process is very slow moving because he is taking as long as possible with everything.
It is now 7 months later.
It really is unbearable and so so stressful in the same house.

How long did others stay in the same house whilst organising divorce?
I mean, what is the record for the longest period of time?? This is just so unhealthy

OP posts:
BatshitCrazyWoman · 04/02/2022 19:49

I feel for you. We were both in the house for a year and a half. I moved out, the divorce took a further year!

I'm very happy now though!

moneyfornothingandthekids · 04/02/2022 19:56

Did you tell your children before you knew when you'd be moving?

BatshitCrazyWoman · 04/02/2022 20:20

@moneyfornothingandthekids

Did you tell your children before you knew when you'd be moving?
My children were adults, youngest was in their early 20s, and not living at home.
321zyx · 04/02/2022 20:29

DH asked for divorce, I therefore asked him to move out of family home = if he wants the divorce he moves out - end of!! Part of the financial settlement (Consent Order) as part of Decree Absolute was that we sell family home and split proceeds by an agreed date (after divorce) - all going to plan so far.

Sweetie1980 · 04/02/2022 21:30

I filed on August 21, we are trying to sort finances/childrens arrangement out. Its hell being in the same house, he is angry a lot and shouts, swears and calls me names. I am divorcing him because he is ea and verbally abusive so I have put up it for year's. I can't wait to live in peace and not be scared to go downstairs in my own house !

RoseMartha · 04/02/2022 21:34

We stayed in the same house for 18 months and I slept on the floor for the duration.

It was another 7 months until we were divorced.

And a further 16 months before the property was sold. Lockdown number 1 delayed this however and I think had there been no lockdown it would have been about a year.

Worriesandwobbles · 05/02/2022 08:28

Oh no this thread is not filling me with hope ! It's been 2 months and I am broken. I have been managing to stay so civil but last night thought I would bring up 'um, you really need to start making a plan towards staying elsewhere..' and it all kicked off (he had said previously I could stay in the house for the benefit of the children) he us now saying he will go when he feels ready and if I don't like it I can leave (which he knows I can't afford to do as I can afford the mortgage but not current rental prices). I don't have 18 months in me and not sure how any of you have managed it.

Mmmmdanone · 05/02/2022 08:53

Nearly a year for me. He's dragging his feet at every opportunity. It's awful.

LargeProsecco · 05/02/2022 14:28

It was almost 2 years here Sadand totally unbearable.

I couldn't afford the mortgage on my own, he wouldn't sell, no-one would rent to me locally & he wouldn't allow me to relocate with the DC. He wouldn't move out. And I couldn't afford to buy locally.

It took 2 years for me to get my career sorted that I could get enough of a mortgage sorted to buy something locally.

2catsandhappy · 05/02/2022 14:42

About 6 months. It was grim.
I borrowed rent money and left as soon as I could with dd.
He kept trying to talk to me, chat or issues. Too little too late. I had a small fridge and mini oven in the spare room. Waited until he was out to use the washing machine etc.
If I had to do it again I would buy a lock for the spare room door.

Worriesandwobbles · 05/02/2022 16:11

It's like being a prisoner in your own home. And when you have finally decided to stop allowing them to control you after 18 years they still have the power to call the shots ! My only relief was looking ahead at his work rota to see when he wouldn't be here but he has announced he is taking some time off "because he has some stuff going on". I can't take time off so I still have to go to work every day and can't even relax when I get home. Grrr

Warblerinwinter · 05/02/2022 16:51

Question? For those of you part way through this wrt 2 year separation….I thought the law was about to change to 6 mth no fault? I know they’ve pushed it back multiple times as I looked into it when I was divorcing last year, but I really thought it was going to be implemented in spring 22?

Worriesandwobbles · 05/02/2022 17:55

I was under the impression this was coming in April this year too but not sure its been officially signed off yet, fingers crossed

Stillfunny · 06/02/2022 11:51

No fault divorce coming April in UK.

I think I must take the record of having to live with him while separated. Was limping through counselling since Jan 2019 , then May he lost his job and reckoned he had nowhere to go , so had separate rooms , etc. Then Covid hit so he was here ..Only moved out to a different location June 2021 . Then lost that job and has not worked since. Terrified he might get desperate and either need to come back or try to force me to sell ( unlikely to get this as I am FT Carer to relative living here )
I actually made it so uncomfortable for him as everytime he crossed my path , I cursed him. But shows how little he cared , he still stayed around.

The relief of him not being here is enormous. I made huge efforts to empty the house of any of his stuff so he has no excuse to return .Ever.

BatshitCrazyWoman · 06/02/2022 12:56

No fault divorce would have made no difference to my situation. My ex was determined to delay things as much as possible, refused to cooperate or agree to anything reasonable. We went to court eventually, and my settlement ended up being larger than I had suggested at the start. So at lease there was some financial compensation for the hideousness of that time.

He used to deliberately open doors into me, so I had bruises 😕

CrunchTime22 · 07/02/2022 15:34

8 months here. It's really not helpful that everyone gets advised not to leave the family home, it's hell for everyone. It's made me race through with things though, just to get it all sorted. I just stay upstairs and out of the way as much as I can, so do the kids. And we try to eat apart. You all have my sympathies.

TeaOnTheMountain · 09/02/2022 23:20

@CrunchTime22

8 months here. It's really not helpful that everyone gets advised not to leave the family home, it's hell for everyone. It's made me race through with things though, just to get it all sorted. I just stay upstairs and out of the way as much as I can, so do the kids. And we try to eat apart. You all have my sympathies.
Why are people given this advice? I’ve never understood it!
FrustratedC0ffeeDrinker · 10/02/2022 00:10

I have been in the family home with my ex-husband since November 2018 (divorced September 2021). Still in the same home together as he refuses to move out, although hopefully things will come to an end within the next couple of months. Financial stuff went to court which was delayed with Covid, hearings being delayed, the court losing my paperwork, and my ex being an arse has dragged everything out. I can't afford to rent, and no one wants to rent to a single mum, so I must remain in the house for now.

aLittleL1fe · 10/02/2022 00:21

7 months in the same house until I moved out, not got the divorce yet (nearly 2 years).

purplepeony10 · 10/02/2022 10:26

Hello, I submitted my papers (list of unreasonable behaviours) to the courts last year, 22nd Nov. There seems to be a delay.
It should have taken 5-6 weeks for them to issue the petition to him.
It's been 9 weeks, and nothing has happened.
Christmas in the same house as like all of you was unbearable.
He hurt me a lot and like a lot of you said I was on guard all the time and tried to avoid him.
My home did not feel like a safe space.
On 2nd Jan, I decided to dig deep, grab some anger and channel it calmly at him.
It was bloody hard, but I had rehearsed what I wanted to say.
At one time we loved each other very much, I told him, I loved you so much. You have hurt me a lot and said cruel things to me, by staying in the house you are still causing me great hurt and pain.
I want you to leave.
He came back and tried to negotiate 3 nights away and 4 nights at home and I would spend 1 night away. (Jeeeezzzz)
I said again to him, I need you to leave completely, I don't want to see you or be near you, it hurts.
He came back and said something about his mental health (Jeeeezz).
Some things I have to ignore, and bite my tongue.
I stick to what I want, and ignore the crap he throws at me.
I stay calm, like a rock, emotionless.
Inside I'm crying and scared.
Eventually, I message him (ha whilst in the same house)
I told him I will not try and buy him out of the house (that was an earlier request of mine), if he leaves.
He is desperate to buy me out of the house, and live here alone (kids have almost moved out now) .
It worked! Finally.
I turned off notifications from him in WhatsApp (archive his message)
It took him two more days to go, and that was it.
He still keeps asking to come over (and do jobs or something .. ), I let him, when I'm away for the day or weekend, by strict arrangement.
It's difficult and exhausting, but it's better.
Better than it ever was.
I know how hard it is ladies, we have to be strong, or in my case at least pretend to be strong! The more I pretend, the more it actually almost becomes real.

CrunchTime22 · 10/02/2022 10:53

@purplepeony10 I remember you from a thread last year when it was all kicking off. He's really messed you around, hasn't he? Too many silly games.

Did you do a DIY divorce online? Mine got issued really quick, papers sent out in about a week, but I think it probably depends on where you are. You definitely need to chase that.
I think it's best to let go of the house. my STBXH is convinced I'll dig my heels in, but I can't wait to move!

purplepeony10 · 11/02/2022 09:47

Hi @CrunchTime22 I am so pleased you are now sorted!
It must be great to be on the other side finally?
I got a solicitor, as he can be quite manipulative and I wanted someone on my side as it were.
I guess in the future I don't want to feel like I gave everything over to him, when he's been pretty cruel to me over the years.
I don't need to come out on top, but I do want a fair share, if that makes sense?
It's finally, almost getting exciting thinking about a new life, and possibly in a new area ..

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