Child with ASD and 50:50 care

[thinkingSilver]

Six year old daughter has ASD, Sensory processing disorder, and anxiety. She has a diagnosis. The diagnosis is 24 pages long.

Soon to be ex husband is demanding that children must stay equal amount of time with him. (He has never been very active at all in the childcare but that’s another story).

It is simply not in her best interests to live out of a suitcase and go from one house to the next. It is catastrophic.

Are there other parents who wanted this? And does it work?
I appreciate that for any child it is difficult to adjust to change and stability. But for a child with ASD this is a whole other ballgame.

I feel this is selfish. He wants to put his own needs above his and she will suffer.

Please share what you did if there was a child with additional needs.

Following as I am in similar situation.

Although my DS is coming around to the idea as he likes routine and we are doing a trial of set days. And he's been promised 2 bedrooms
But in reality he doesn't like not seeing me for days on end and the change. My ex isn't very consistent with parenting which has always been a huge problem. My ds has severe behaviour that requires careful handling.
The mediator seems completely unable to support this position.

You need a very good lawyer. This is not in your daughters interest at all. What will happen is that he will argue for a bigger settlement saying he will do 50/50 childcare and she will stay with you most/all of the time. You need to argue for that now and get a settlement that reflects the reality

This is exactly what happened to me. Don't let it be you too

Thanks. This is really useful.
Right now, still in the same house, he does the absolute minimum. Every single weekend he sleeps late, he is on his phone or computer all the time.
This is definitely not in her best interests.
I also can’t understand how he will possibly care for them if he has almost never done it, or at least not on his own?! Not even for a day?

Maybe let him try for a weekend and see if he still wants it.

He's obviously trying to get out of paying maintenance, Does he earn lots? Also is he FT & how will he manage school drop offs etc.

Sorry to hear he's not looking out for DD best interests.

converseandjeans, He does earn lots. He earns 135K and I earn 31K.
He dry doesn’t want to pay child maintenance, never mind spousal.

It would not be out of suitcase
If done properly
If she has identical bedrooms set up
Duplicate clothes and toys and books

If you agree 50/50 he gets more of the equity in your house and doesn't have to pay any maintenance. You need to get angry and lawyer up

thinkingsilver

Well there you go that's the reason. Tbh your salary isn't too bad. He clearly is trying to avoid giving you any money. To earn that amount he presumably works long hours so not sure 50-50 would be feasible. Unless he now wfh I suppose.