Financial settlement when one earns more

[MoreSmoresthansnores]

Hi
So my ex DH earns 4 x what I do. I've always worked and also now very recently get UC top up...but we have a disabled child so its well below what I should be on. I gave up a good career. Just saying that as I am far from a freeloader. Although working almost full time and caring for a disabled child while my ex progressed his career is what has got us to the point of divorce!
Our equity isn't enough for 2x houses unless my ex gives me 80-85% and even then its a push for me as its expensive South east. Cant move as dc in specialist school.
With a 10% deposit he can get a mortgage for a home, but obviously I would struggle even with most of the equity.
How likely am I to be awarded this? My ex says I'm unreasonable and mediator isn't helping (as per the other thread). I can't see how mediation will work unless there is some advice to him. He seems oblivious of the fact that if he takes even 30% I can't buy a house. Where as he can.
Had anyone been in the same position - will his solictor tell him this? He says he is speaking to one but then keeps coming back to the same position at mediation (what he needs). I keep being told that the law says equal housing. But my ex won't listen to this and keeps coming back to the share of the property as a figure.
Will a court overturn something if it looks rubbish? Because of children's needs.
We have solicitors but can't really afford them. I've got legal aid for mediation but can't find a legal aid lawyer to do legal work.

I think you need to go to court.

Are there other assets? Especially pensions. I am the lower earner by about 4:1 too and got slightly above 50% overall but a larger share of house equity whilst he got more pension.

Housing of minors generally takes priority ( but not necessarily in fmh or purchased property) could be rented
As others have said are there other assets, pensions?
Re 4x that is important too - if you are in 10k and him 40k fir example that’s completely different to you being on 25k and him on £100k
It’s not unheard of to receive 80% of equity if that is what is needed
Take advice from your solicitor and let it go to court if needed

I think Court too, so many men seem to need a judge to tell them they cannot walk away from their disabled child sadly. See if you can get a direct access barrister, do the solicitor work yourself, as that is what will make the difference on the day.

yes I would go to court too. But also when you do try and get child maintenance into a court based settlement as in this case because of the disability, your child may end up more reliant on a parent than another non disabled child so make sure it clearly reflects the extra financial needs of such a child including when maintenance might stop e.g. 21 or 25 or never

80-85% seems a bit too high but depends on his salary I guess. Could you cut a deal where he has an interest in your new place payable in a few years time when you've built up more equity?

I would suggest you get a solicitor. I know that they are expensive and you may not have a lot of money to spare at the moment, but if you can at least get half an hour free consultation, plus one more hour. It is worth it really.

It sounds like you only have the one child though you mention needing a house. It's not ideal but could you afford a 2 bed flat with what he's offering?

Hi we have 2 children. I earn around 20k but can't work more hours. He earns 80k
We both have pensions. But mine were from before we married mainly and barely at all since DS was born (i used to earn a lot better). My career prospects and pension prospects at nearly 50 will never recover.
Even with 80% I will struggle to house both children.
I am interested people are saying older for maintenance. That was my feeling too. But the mediator keeps shutting it down.
Today I've tried to find a new solicitor. The other one quoted 4-10k!

Thanks everyone for commenting

@MoreSmoresthansnores

Hi we have 2 children. I earn around 20k but can't work more hours. He earns 80k We both have pensions. But mine were from before we married mainly and barely at all since DS was born (i used to earn a lot better). My career prospects and pension prospects at nearly 50 will never recover. Even with 80% I will struggle to house both children. I am interested people are saying older for maintenance. That was my feeling too. But the mediator keeps shutting it down. Today I've tried to find a new solicitor. The other one quoted 4-10k!

I think the reason the mediator is shutting down maintenance for your disabled child is because when they turn 18 they will be entitled to PIP. Plus you might be able to claim a carer's allowance even if you work. Also, the court's jurisdiction over child maintenance is very limited because of the CMS. Get legal advice but my understanding is you could get something awarded in court and after a year he could go to the CMS and have it reassessed and that will stop when your child leaves full time education. The mediator is probably shutting it down to protect your interests but check with a solicitor.

The other thing I've picked up on is your age and his salary. If you're nearly 50 then presumably so is he as well and he has needs too. I'm not entirely sure it is reasonable to expect him to almost start again at nearly 50. Also whilst his salary is pretty good it is not six figures so he is going to struggle to secure owning his own place before retirement. When you look at a settlement you can't just think of your own needs, you need to consider the needs of the other party too. Yes, in the short term the needs of the children will trump that but then you're in Mesher territory rather than getting 80% of the equity for keeps. Perhaps you might have to consider a solution where he comes off the mortgage but retains an interest in a percentage of the property which he realises when your other child is 18 at which point you could downsize with your disabled child.