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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Spousal maintenance when you're unwell

33 replies

feelingtiredofthis · 31/01/2022 20:58

Hello
I'm feeling sick with worry
I'm 55 and have been married for
twenty years and my husband wants a divorce
I suspect he has someone on the side and to be honest i don't care about that
I was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer a few years ago and
had treatment and am on medication indefinitely. I am tested
regularly and feel that i can cope mentally with this as long as
i don't have too much stress in my life
I have a low key part time job which i love but it pays poorly
My husband has told me that he wants me to get a better paid job as he doesn't consider me ill and wants to pay less maintenance
He's implying i am work shy
I have worked over the years and took some time out for our children
I have a solicitor who is positive but my husband is going to put up a huge fight i know to pay as little as possible
Any experience or advice would be appreciated xxxxx

OP posts:
HollyBollyBooBoo · 31/01/2022 21:07

So sorry to hear this. Spousal maintenance is so subjective so it's good that you've got a solicitor.

Of course your husband will want to pay as little as possible but if it's awarded to you it'll be done to ensure you don't suffer un due hardship in the future and surely your medical condition would be a massive contributing factor jn that.

iklboo · 31/01/2022 21:15

My husband has told me that he wants me to get a better paid job as he doesn't consider me ill and wants to pay less maintenance

Get your solicitor to ask your husband for a copy of his medical degree. Balls to what your husband 'thinks' about the degree of severity of your illness. Ask your GP to write a letter if needs be. Thanks for you.

RedWingBoots · 31/01/2022 21:21

My husband has told me that he wants me to get a better paid job as he doesn't consider me ill and wants to pay less maintenance

Unless he is an oncologist ignore him.

Also make sure you also get a fair share of his pension. I hope it is a large and/or final salary one.

feelingtiredofthis · 01/02/2022 09:41

Thank you for your thoughts on this will definitely talk with my medical team
Just feel so disappointed that he doesn't have compassion for my circumstances and it just boils down to.money

OP posts:
millymolls · 01/02/2022 10:26

I think it’s really difficult -obviously for you as you’re scared about the future. Sorry about your health
But also for him really in that of course he doesn’t want to pay spousal to you when you ‘only ‘ work part time. It would usually be a fair argument to say expectations are you would need to work full time
However, in your case only solicitors will be able to advise but likely depend on overall value of assets and earnings. That will determine this.

Good luck

changeling86 · 01/02/2022 10:28

Is he a very high earner - over £90k? SM is rare and would depend on a few things.

It's very unlikely that you'd be awarded SM unless he's on an extremely high salary.

Are you entitled to any health/disability related benefits?

Are your children under 18?

feelingtiredofthis · 01/02/2022 10:41

He's he earns well into
6 figures
We have one under 18 year old

OP posts:
feelingtiredofthis · 01/02/2022 10:44

I have had brilliant help from
The nhs with free ongoing checks treatment and medications all at no cost
I haven't claimed for any support as he has been such a high earner

OP posts:
changeling86 · 01/02/2022 10:51

If he earns over 6 figures then it's definitely worth a shot.

Fairylightsongs · 01/02/2022 10:51

Hi op, sorry this is happening to you. It’s not really clear to me, are you in remission or clear, or still at stage four?

Your ability to work will depend on this I think, but for me due to age and length of marriage the judge will look at your ability to work, and what is required to stop you suffering financial hardship, as well as your age and the fact it’s a lengthy marriage, I do suspect you stand a good chance of spousal maintenance but the issue is how much it will be.

RancidOldHag · 01/02/2022 10:57

How long until he intends to retire?

You need to look at pension sharing first, and then work out what you need to live on until the time that the pension sharing kicks in.

You have been a low earner for a long time, presumable doing all the stuff at home that allowed him to have career and earnings, and with his agreement at the time.

You now have a potentially highly limiting condition which will both make it nigh on impossible to secure a different job, or to keep it (time of for medical appointments, possible periods of incapacitation during active treatment). In short (and sorry to be blunt) you don't have good earning potential or realistic chance of moving towards it in the medium term.

I like the sound of your solicitor - these are the sort of circimstances where SM is likely to be awarded.

He's bound to kick off with the insults - he was happy enough for you to have this pattern of employment when it suited him, but he doesn't like the look of it when it comes to assessing needs and capabilities.

As you are stable at present and capable of your current level of work, you will be expected to continue working. But it sounds like you have a good case that you cannot do more, even though that would be expected of younger women in normal health on divorce.

Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 01/02/2022 11:00

I believe in the case of ill health and limited life expectancy you are able to access your pension earlier. This could be a way of increasing your income without needing spousal support, if you had a good private pension pot to draw from. Look into it and see what the rules are on his pension.

Viviennemary · 01/02/2022 11:00

I think you would have a case for spousal maintenance. He earns a good salary and you havje had a long marriage and your health problems prevent you from working more hours.

sofato5miles · 01/02/2022 11:06

It is about meeting your needs. We did Form Es. I take home jist into 6 figures and my ex well into them. The judge, seperately from Child maintenance still awarded me SM of 24k annually as we had each mapped put out needs very clearly. You meed a SHL and barrister who put a well reasoned arguement together.

feelingtiredofthis · 01/02/2022 11:13

Thanks all it helps me to hear your views
I actually did work when the family were small
Then had a few years out then retrained and went back to part time
I have most definitely supported him in his career i even put money into
His business

OP posts:
Unknown83 · 01/02/2022 13:59

Going to play devil's advocate. Morally your ex is a tosser but legally I'd get advice. My question would be "will I be considered sick by the court if I don't receive disability benefits?"

feelingtiredofthis · 01/02/2022 14:09

I guess i could claim but have chosen not to

OP posts:
Unknown83 · 01/02/2022 14:36

@feelingtiredofthis

I guess i could claim but have chosen not to
Okay, glad I played "devil's advocate" then because now I can help you. You need to maximise your income before you make a claim for spousal maintenance. Until you do, you don't actually know how much spousal maintenance you need (bear in mind it is needs based, with needs "generously interpreted").

I'm not going to dignify your ex's suggestion that you get a higher paying job with a response but if you are entitled to any kind of benefits, whether that's universal credit for being on a low income or benefits for your illness, you must claim them. Also, you need to work out which of these benefits reduces on receipt of spousal maintenance (universal credit will, I have no idea about things like PIP etc I'm afraid but a solicitor or CAB should be able to advise).

The benefits reducing against SM is also important. It may be much more in your interests to receive more equity in a house or stake in a pension than a regular income. The added bonus being that you no longer need to deal with this awful, awful man.

feelingtiredofthis · 01/02/2022 15:11

Thank you so much for your advice
Feel a bit knocked as he is so lacking in compassion

OP posts:
Unknown83 · 01/02/2022 16:42

@feelingtiredofthis

Thank you so much for your advice Feel a bit knocked as he is so lacking in compassion
Honestly the lack of humanity from that man is almost unbelievable.

I've had some stick on another thread for not wanting to pay my STBXW spousal maintenance but she is a 39 year old graduate in good health who didn't want to get a job. Now I can understand why some people here have attacked me because their own situations might have been dreadful.

At the very least in your case a human being would take the time to explain how you're going to live now he's decided to run off. For you, keep an open mind whether that's spousal maintenance, more of the assets, whatever and get decent financial advice as well as legal advice.

Good luck.

Soontobe60 · 01/02/2022 16:55

There’s a few things here to think about. I gather that you have only just split? If so, have any financial arrangements been put in place? What’s going to happen to the marital home? Do you not work full time because you are unable to do so as a result of your illness? If so, you need to claim PIP. Courts would expect you to do so rather than you expecting your ex to support you. If you don’t qualify for PIP, then they would expect you to work to support yourself.
Absolutely your ex should be paying Cm for your son who’s under 18, but courts won’t expect him to pay after that. You should also be given half his pension, which could be significant if he’s always been a big earner.

CrimbleCrumble1 · 01/02/2022 17:03

If you illness is life limiting you can claim PIP, there will be no assessment. It will be backdated from the day you claim. It is not means tested.

feelingtiredofthis · 01/02/2022 17:31

Ok thanks iI need to explore the benefits angle
I have not claimed before as because of his income i felt it would be inappropriate
I do work part time and that is his issue
He wants me to take a higher paid job with possibly more stress
I don't want a stressful job as i am sure there is a link between stress and cancer and i do not want more cancer back and spreading

OP posts:
LethargicActress · 01/02/2022 17:35

How old is your child? I’m just asking because this must be a worry that child maintenance often stops at 18 anyway. Is he likely to continue with child maintenance as long as your child is in education, including university?

Unknown83 · 01/02/2022 17:38

I don't want a stressful job as i am sure there is a link between stress and cancer and i do not want more cancer back and spreading

Recommend you don't say this. You have the upper hand on the medical at the moment. This doesn't sound scientific and can almost be interpreted as downplaying your illness (i.e. implying it's over but worried stress will bring it back which is your opinion but probably not a medical one).