For 50:50 shared care...

[ColdToTheBones]

Do you alternate a 2 week rolling rota or have alternate days round the clock?

We're in the crazy situation of still living together during what will probably be a one year divorce and have agreed an occupational order to tide us over.

XH does Tues, Wed Fri one week while I do Mon, Thur, Sat and Sun, and then we switch it around the next week so he does Mon, Thur, Sat and Sun and I am doing Tue Wed and Fri. The kids find it so disruptive and I must admit I think I'd rather hate the same days every week and then alternative weekends. But I wondered how else those people doing the 50:50 thing work it out?

Tried but failed with 50:50 as it was too disruptive. Fixed days work better - so it's not quite 50:50.

A friend and her ex have set week days (Mon- Thursday) - so 2 each. They then do one short weekend (Sat and Sun) and the other gets the Friday and then one long weekend (Fri-Sun). So :
Week 1 - Short weekend Parent 1
Week 2 - Long weekend - Parent 2
Week 3 - Short weekend Parent 2
Week 4 - Long weekend Parent 1

Might not be exact. Court negotiated and approved. Holidays 50:50 too.

Not myself, but a close friend does.

They do it so Parent 1 drops child to school, Parent 2 collects and drops to school next morning, then Parent 1 collects, etc etc. This is based on one of the parent's working certain nights so it has worked out this way.

I think if they had more choice they might do a few more days in a row.

Could you do alternate weekends and one week someone has the kids Mon-Weds am and the other Weds pm - Friday am? Then they get at least a couple of nights before switching again.

My partner is in a 50//50 situation for his child. It’s generally weekly with each week’s access starting Friday directly after school. Works well for everyone as far as I can see.

One full week on, one off. The swap over is a Sunday night so school uniforms etc don't get swapped over

Friend does week on, week off mon-sun .. not sure its really working for the dc but they all live relatively near each other and her ex was a git to her but always very involved with kids...
Also they are teenagers so in theory will be off to uni etc in a few years
Everything was worked out for 2/3 years in advance so hardly any flexibility but does enable planning and gives the kids security..
Hopefully the next plan will be less acrimonious

Week on week off seems the least confusing as long as there are no shift work issues disrupting that too much.

We do one week on one week off. Handover is on Sunday teatime. The kids are happy and actually asked for 50/50.

Judge told me dc do better being with the nrp in blocks of time.. I used to have my dc at some point just about every day. Mostly sat in the car in school runs or collecting tired dc, doing tea and early night... Better to organise into longer spells each.

@Santahasjoinedww

Judge told me dc do better being with the nrp in blocks of time.. I used to have my dc at some point just about every day. Mostly sat in the car in school runs or collecting tired dc, doing tea and early night... Better to organise into longer spells each.

What does nrp mean? Sorry, I bet it's obvious but I can't figure it out!

Non resident parent. RP being the opposite.

Only applicable if children spend significantly more time with one parent than the other.

In the case of the EOW (every other weekend) Dad, he is the NRP with Mum being the RP.

How do you guys get NRP? I assume the parent doesn't much care either way or something?

@ColdToTheBones

Do you alternate a 2 week rolling rota or have alternate days round the clock?

We're in the crazy situation of still living together during what will probably be a one year divorce and have agreed an occupational order to tide us over.

XH does Tues, Wed Fri one week while I do Mon, Thur, Sat and Sun, and then we switch it around the next week so he does Mon, Thur, Sat and Sun and I am doing Tue Wed and Fri. The kids find it so disruptive and I must admit I think I'd rather hate the same days every week and then alternative weekends. But I wondered how else those people doing the 50:50 thing work it out?

I've been looking at this with STBXW although we're not going for quite 50/50. It makes sense to be consistent every week because it means you can both get jobs with steady work patterns. In my case I do 6 days out of 14 through a work from home pattern with some flexibility and it means there are two days a week that she can work full rather than part time. (She doesn't actually want to work and wants to be "kept" 1980s style but that's besides the point. She's slowly learning that the days of her getting the house, half my pension and maintenance for life are well and truly over!)

@Garysmum

Tried but failed with 50:50 as it was too disruptive. Fixed days work better - so it's not quite 50:50.

A friend and her ex have set week days (Mon- Thursday) - so 2 each. They then do one short weekend (Sat and Sun) and the other gets the Friday and then one long weekend (Fri-Sun). So :
Week 1 - Short weekend Parent 1
Week 2 - Long weekend - Parent 2
Week 3 - Short weekend Parent 2
Week 4 - Long weekend Parent 1

Might not be exact. Court negotiated and approved. Holidays 50:50 too.

We do similiar with DSS so every Thursday hes here and then every other weekend hes here Thursday after school till Monday morning. So works out 5 in 14 days during term. All holidays are 50 50 in summer its 2 weeks and 1 week in each property ( mum didnt want to not see DSS for 3 weeks which is completly understandable). Half terms is a Wednesday handover, Easter is a week I each property and Christmas is split but the days vary depending on when Christmas falls and what each household is doing.

@ColdToTheBones

How do you guys get NRP? I assume the parent doesn't much care either way or something?

Not at all. My DH is a non resident parent to his 2 DCs. His ex moved 100 miles away. He loves his kids and tried to fight it. Instead we have them EOW and half of hols.

I have majority care so it's 6/1 with my ex, but I have a friend who does 2/2/5/5 which works really well.

Monday her
Tuesday her
Wednesday ex
Thursday ex
Friday her
Saturday her
Sunday her
Monday her
Tuesday her
Wednesday ex
Thursday ex
Friday ex
Saturday ex
Sunday ex

So they have the same weekdays but alternate the weekend.

Means they can sort things like Cubs/judo for the kids and their own work life is easier as we all know when are the early pick up days etc.

My ex and I do pretty much 50/50. He has them mon, Tues & wed morning, I pick them up from school on Wednesday and have them until either the Saturday evening or the Sunday morning (alternate weeks).

My ex has a job that is busier at weekends so he didn’t want a full weekend so he could work one day.

We do 50/50..

Mon and Tues -me
Wed and Thurs -dad
Alternate Fri and sat
Sunday they go to whoever they’ve not been with at the weekend.

How old are your children @ChittyChittyBoomBoom ? We are doing something similar, my DS is finding transition hard especially to me which is heartbreaking. Ex current set up quite different so it’s more ‘fun’

I think every other week works best because each parent can be responsible in advance for their week. Ie book day in parent 1 week, harvest festival in parent 2, etc. Otherwise one parent continues to do all the wife work.

Mine are 9, 9 and 14.

Yes it does feel a bit like I have 50% of the kids but 100% of the admin.

@SamBeckettsLastLeap

I think every other week works best because each parent can be responsible in advance for their week. Ie book day in parent 1 week, harvest festival in parent 2, etc. Otherwise one parent continues to do all the wife work.

Surely in that situation though it's much harder for both partners to work? Or the children have to spend far more time in wraparound childcare?

With my STBXW, I'm trying to build a flexible arrangement where we fix the days up front but we can move a day if one of us has something important or late at work provided that we both agree and give each other enough notice (my STBXW is trying to wriggle out of working at all so it's not going very far, but hey...)

This would mean I can work full time three days a week, she could do two full time days and I give a bit of CM to level up (I've also offered vice versa, tongue in cheek because she will move heaven and earth to try and not get paid employment).

If on the other hand we had to do full weeks neither of us would be able to work full time. I can't be going in long hours one week and then leaving at 2pm the next and neither could she.

@ColdinNovember

How old are your children *@ChittyChittyBoomBoom* ? We are doing something similar, my DS is finding transition hard especially to me which is heartbreaking. Ex current set up quite different so it’s more ‘fun’

Sure that will pass!

@LaBelleSausage

I have majority care so it's 6/1 with my ex, but I have a friend who does 2/2/5/5 which works really well.

Monday her
Tuesday her
Wednesday ex
Thursday ex
Friday her
Saturday her
Sunday her
Monday her
Tuesday her
Wednesday ex
Thursday ex
Friday ex
Saturday ex
Sunday ex

So they have the same weekdays but alternate the weekend.

Means they can sort things like Cubs/judo for the kids and their own work life is easier as we all know when are the early pick up days etc.

That's how I do mine.

We are in the same position as you and doing it while living together. Its ok but I'm finding it difficult on ex DHs days as I have to stay out of the way and kids don't like it or if I don't then the way he parents (or doesn't winds me up). Going away for nights helps but is also exhausting.
Anyway we are doing
Sun eve switch..
Sun eve me
Mon me
Tuesday me
Drop to school weds
Weds eve ex
Thurs eve ex.
Drop to school Friday
And then it's alternate weekends- fri to sun eve
So it works out as 5 day stretches alternate weeks.
This is the one thing we've agreed on!