Feeling endlessly sad.

[Fluffyunicorntail]

I’m working up to telling DH we need to separate. I can’t see any other choice. We’ve both tried. I’ve tried. He’s tried. It hasn’t helped.
But I feel so endlessly sad about it. We’ve three dc. How does anyone know for sure it’s the right decision when there isn’t abuse / cheating more just a gradual growing apart and seemingly no way back?

Have you been to counselling either as a couple or separately? I left for other reasons, but did explore every possibility before I left him. I wanted to know in my heart that I had tried everything because I didn’t want to feel any regret.

It's down to how you feel in the end. Can you imagine being in retirement together? Do you still fancy him? Does he irritate you? Do you fantasise about the future with him not in it (in terms of living together)? Those were the kinds of things I felt that showed me I didn't want to continue being married to someone I'd fallen out of love with and grown apart from over the years and wanted out.

If you've both checked out of the relationship as it sounds like you have, what's the point in prolonging the misery? Your children won't thank you.

My situation was different - No children involved in and he was psychologically abusive, but I can identify with the procrastination and doubt. counselling did help because it helped me to see that I didn't want to save the marriage at all and was way past salvage and was staying to avoid hurting him.

It was a massive relief to finally go, and I felt huge guilt for not even crying about it. But for all the mud slinging he'd moved on within weeks so wish I'd gone sooner and not dithered.

I'm in a very similar situation. It's not easy is it... Is yours a mutual decision?
In my case it's me that's unhappy but I constantly feel guilt, especially about my son. But I'm beginning to realise that we're not in a happy situation at the moment and my son deserves that. Still haven't "done" anything about it yet though (as in, make the final decision, we've spoken about it a lot).

Very sad. Similar situation but he didn’t want to try. I made the call as couldn’t let my self esteem drop so low as to be with him once he’d said he didn’t care either way. 2 yrs later, finances ongoing and still feel sad at times. I’ve def made the right decision tho, true colours have come out and I feel like I’m turning a corner. Stay strong.