Thank you for replying, and I am glad you have experience in this area.
We haven't moved out yet but this is all going though the process. We can't do mediation because there's a DV injunction out on him.
When I gave my statement to the police they told me he's clearly manipulative and controlling. The problem I have is that the 'evidence' is old and even though I haven't got a new photo of him leaving injury on a child, he threatened to hit which terrorises them, so is still a weapon even if it's not physical in the same way.
Both children have begged me around Christmas time to let them live with me, though more recently he's lovebombing them to win them over and with one of them it's beginning to work already. You can see why, they've always longed to receive love from their Dad and this is feeling like the real thing. My concern is that it's a tactic and wont last.
He is inappropriate in that he plays 18 rating games in front of primary school age children, and encourages them to play 16 rating games but to keep it a secret. It's sometimes benign poor parenting which can border on neglect like the times he punishes them for crying or ignored their upset and leaves them to just cry alone.
He is harsh on them and verbally abuses them with name-calling. He won't seek medical help with their mental health but just thinks if you ignore it, it will just go away.
They therefore fear sleeping at his house without me, who they see as their protector, even though they want to see him to play online gaming with him during the day.
I'm also SAHM so they're accustomed to me doing all school runs, homework, etc, while Dad works full time and rarely gets involved in these things simply because he's not there.
I would want to facilitate daytime meeting for as long as the children feel safe, but overnight is when the problems start (mace because exH is most tired and therefore not inns good headspace) and is the thing they fear the most.