Has anyone agreed no maintenance just so their kids can be safe?

[AllChange2022]

ExH wants 50:50, despite DC age 8 pleading with me for them to be able to sleep overnight with me all the time. The court won't allow a choice at that age, as far as I know, and after a discussion with exH it turns out that he would only agree for our child to sleep with me every night if he doesn't have to agree maintenance.

I would rather my children are safe overnight than I have money in the bank, but I wondered if anyone else has chosen to have no maintenance to protect their children like this? I’ve never heard of it before.

My only other option is to take it to court but I fear I might not win as his solicitor is pretty ruthless. At least this way (me having no maintenance) exH would consent to them staying with me overnight 100% of the time, and I can relax knowing my DC are safe.

I know a lot of women who have done so @AllChange2022. None have regretted it.

I'm sitting on a time bomb - don't really need or want the money - we initially had 50/50 and I saved his ass on more than one occasion. I've moved nearer to family so it's mostly every other weekend contact and he's got the shit on he'll have to pay. I don't see it lasting, so when it does dwindle down to nothing (and it will) then I will probably claim. Still probably won't need the money, but right now I'm ferrying back and forth, facilitating all the arrangements and still basically organising his life to make it all happen. His so called arrangement of his mother collecting our DD from school went to rat shit this Friday as she didn't turn up.
What I'm trying to say is: if you can do without the money, take the offer but get it written down. If he hasn't been that involved before now IT WILL DWINDLE. Document everything (phone calls and texts) where he's let them down. Then when it comes to it for CMS (and I've no doubt threat of court when he gets the letter) you have a plethora of evidence as to why a). He's not reliable for contact b). He's not stuck to your original agreement in the 1st place.
Play the long game. As hard as it is, sometimes you need these things to run a course. I absolutely want my DD to have a relationship with her dad - but I also know he can't be arsed and is one of the reasons I wanted to leave him. He couldn't change when we were together, his efforts right now are temporary.

CMS is based on number of nights, so basically if Ops ex let's their children stay with her every night after his contact, he should have to pay maintenance. It seems her ex is aware actual 50/50 would be maintenance free, which is why he has offered to let the kids stay with her after his contact, as long as she doesn't expect maintenance.

It's really interesting to read your thoughts on this, and especially the amount of you in this exact same position.

There's no way I'd consider taking money over their welfare, so would sign an agreement of no maintenance and live poor with them being at least safe with me. No amount of money can be equal to that. But I must admit it rankles me that I'm going to be living on the breadline and losing out of £600 a month because he simply won't pay what he should. That's a third of what I will be otherwise earning and is a huge great lot. But like I say, nothing can compare with the well-being of children.

Agree for now and then put in a claim when he's secondary school age.

I did. Best choice I ever made. It meant he was always looked at unfavorably by the courts. If you can afford it, do it.

I had very similar. I had little faith that courts would rule his abuse was bad enough, and knew if I went that route he'd fight more for the kids not because he wanted them so often, but as to keep control. End result he's never paid maintenance ... he had chosen to see them for a few hours on a Sunday afternoon occasionally but cancels just as often ... I've said nothing about him and as dc are growing they've started voicing
their observations at his unreliability and his moods etc. They are happy and secure here, and I am glad I followed my gut. Its not easy to defend when ' the threshold ' isn't met.. but I always thought they'd get the better side of their dad on a very part time basis, they broadly do (and even then the facade slips a bit!).. Good luck