Help a sahm with separation

[velvetcandy]

If anyone can give me some advice I would really appreciate it.

My situation is: I want to end things with my husband of ten years, we’re just not getting on making each other miserable etc he’s been depressed the past few years and refuses to get help, we’ve been through hard things that are supposed to bring us together yet have pushed us further apart. He’s gone off sex although he had a one night stand last year, we’re just not happy anymore.

I’ve been a stay at home mum for 11 years, I gave up my career to raise the kids, his career has taken off going from earning £17k when we got married to over £100k today. That’s with commission his basic is £70k. We own our house and have over £100k in it, but as we recently renewed our mortgage can’t sell for another two years unless we want to pay a £20k+ fee to break our mortgage. We have some small savings too.

I just don’t know what to do financially, how to start things etc I don’t have my own money and have four small kids the youngest 4, all the jobs I’ve been looking at wouldn’t cover childcare for 4 kids and be no point in working. For example at the school it’s £8.80 per child in the morning and £10 per child after school that’s almost £80 a day basically a days wage.

I have no idea how to go about any of this?

Have you spoken to him about it? Its so hard as I imagine you feel very trapped. Would he consider moving out ?

Do a universal credit calculation.

This, will be your substitute income until you start work.

Do a child support calculation. And see if you can get spousal maintenance.

I would recommend you start with a budget to see what's needed.

If you know his salary you can determine CMS allowance, plus child benefit.Typically split of assets is 50/50 but it depends on housing needs and child residence. Would he take on some childcare?

Courts are not generous to mothers and would expect you to maximise income if possible, certainly if you have secondary aged children.

Have you looked at entitled to? You are likely to be eglible for childcare costs.

Alot depends on his attitude to the separation, if he wants to support his children or if he will make life difficult for you.

4 children is 10 years must have been stressful have you both tried counselling?

What career did you give up and us it something you can look to go back to

Understand
Equity
Pensions
Mortgage
Cms
Universal credit etc

Once you understand these a bit more you’ll start to see what can be achieved
But gone are days when your ex will have to keep you in the house, pay maintenance to you ( other than cms) and you not work. Ultimately you will be expected to work especially when your children are older