Tips for easing transition between parent's houses

[Bobsmyaunty]

I'm in week one of shared custody following divorce. Now that we are actually separated, me and my STBXH are getting on ok, so communication is possible.

I noticed when my kids came home on Sunday, that they were more inaccessible than usual. We chatted, we played, we read books, all the usual, but I couldn't quite access their thoughts or feelings. I didn't push - I left it, because I know it's hard for them and the feelings are probably big.

But since then, it's been so hard to get them in to bed, tempers have been erratic - all to be expected I guess.

But I wondered ... are there any ways to make the transition between houses easier? Any family rituals you do when the kids return, even if this is a bath, or a board game?

I currently pack a bag each with their clothes, teddy and reading book, and i give that to my STBEX so that they don't have to cart it to school.

How old are your children? Do you think they have less boundaries at your STBXH? Maybe they don't have specific bedtimes etc and are arriving home tired or if older resent the bedtimes you are trying to give them?

Forget about Sundays for handover. Fridays straight from school/afterschool club -immediate huge improvement.

I think he's pretty good at enforcing boundaries. My kids are 9 and 7.

I think the transition is kind of dizzying in a way.

As a child of divorced parents I still remember how exhausting it was having two ‘homes’. Both loving parents and they just wanted us to be happy but ended up feeling so much pressure to be ‘on’ at all times in both homes and ended up so sad because of that. The having two homes was the worst bit for me x

You're all in week one of a way of living which is entirely new - give your kids some time to adapt to the change before you expect too much from them would be my suggestion, and from my experience in the same situation as a child, don't make a huge deal about transitions between parents - your children are living their one life, albeit in two different homes, and the best thing you can do is make that entirely normal for them.

That's good advice, thanks :)