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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

How does maintenance work?

18 replies

AllChange2022 · 18/01/2022 11:06

ExH want to have the children live with me overnight 24/7 but wants to come and collect them when he finishes work for about 3 hours max every few days to have them for dinner at him house and then return them around 7pm so I can put them to bed for school again.

Is that considered 50:50 custody?

OP posts:
ItsDinah · 18/01/2022 11:13

No. Maintenance is calculated on the basis of overnights spent at each parent's house. If he only sees them for a few hours at a time, you have 100 per cent of the overnights.

RedWingBoots · 18/01/2022 11:13

Nope.

He needs to have them overnight to count has having them.

So you will have them 365/6 nights per week so he will pay maintenance for that amount.

How old are the children? As they will have friends and classmates who spend overnights including weekends with their dads, and will start wondering why they are different. Children do mention and discuss things with one another so will work out from about 10 onwards whether their father is interested in seeing them.

RedCandyApple · 18/01/2022 11:14

No how on earth can you think that’s 50/50 😬

Shmithecat2 · 18/01/2022 11:23

No, that's not 50/50. So when you start your cms claim, make sure you select one of the top two choices....

How does maintenance work?
Original poster
AllChange2022 · 18/01/2022 11:42

@RedCandyApple

No how on earth can you think that’s 50/50 😬
Just because that's what he said!
OP posts:
RedCandyApple · 18/01/2022 11:44

He’s taking the piss, it’s not even close! For starters he’s doing no over nights, a few hours every few days is not 50/50, 50:50 is equal days and nights at each parents house. He’s trying to get out of paying.

notapizzaeater · 18/01/2022 11:53

Just because he's said it doesn't make him right ! He's being a dick .,

unicornsarereal72 · 18/01/2022 11:54

Just go through the CMS. He can argue with them.

Mumof3confused · 18/01/2022 14:32

That sounds really unsettling for the children. Why can’t they stay overnight?

MintJulia · 18/01/2022 14:37

No, he needs to keep them overnight, which generally means he is responsible for school run and wrap around care on his nights.

Ie, he needs to reorganise his working life and actually parent them, rather than trying to fit in a couple of hours after work.

It gives you a chance to have a proper job too. Or he pays you maintenance!

Original poster
AllChange2022 · 18/01/2022 15:12

@Mumof3confused

That sounds really unsettling for the children. Why can’t they stay overnight?

They're too scared to stay overnight with him but they do want to see him in daytime hours

OP posts:
Original poster
AllChange2022 · 18/01/2022 15:13

@MintJulia

No, he needs to keep them overnight, which generally means he is responsible for school run and wrap around care on his nights.

Ie, he needs to reorganise his working life and actually parent them, rather than trying to fit in a couple of hours after work.

It gives you a chance to have a proper job too. Or he pays you maintenance!

It's coming from the children; he'd have them if they would agree to it.

OP posts:
MintJulia · 18/01/2022 15:45

It doesn't matter why. If the dcs are your responsibility overnight and for school runs, that seriously limits your opportunity to work and therefore he needs to pay maintenance and provide for them. The fact that his dcs don't want to be with him is not your issue.

How old are they? Why are they scared of staying over with him?

PicaK · 18/01/2022 16:30

No that's 7/7 with you or 100%

How old are they? Why frightened?
If no DV they do deserve to have a relationship with their dad but you can agree a plan together to take it slow and build this up. Over what time period etc really depends on their age.
If DV then obviously you need to report etc

PicaK · 18/01/2022 16:33

There's a reason 4/14 is popular when they're small - cos it's less hassle /disturbing for the kids.
But you've also got your life ahead of you and you won't meet anyone else if you never have me-time

Mumof3confused · 18/01/2022 17:33

Why is it frightening for the children?

millymolls · 18/01/2022 19:06

Why are the children scared to sleep there ? That needs addressing and resolved

Original poster
AllChange2022 · 18/01/2022 22:22

I went through the dv channels and reported it but because it's largely EA then although the laws has coercion now, it's not upheld robustly at all.

The kids report being scared of him and wanting to live with me, but wanting to visit him. I would support that, but he's not contesting it. And winning.

But he's also lovebombing them and it's working on the eldest who has gone from being vocal about not wanting to stay over to now saying it might be okay. I can't want him his Dad will change back...

OP posts:
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