Dd crying for dd who is nc

[Sinusheadachesahhhh]

Not sure if this is the correct category.

Need some advice please. Ex partner was never a proper parent when we were together. After splitting up it got worse. He doesn't bother with dd (7) Only phones and sees her when it suits him. I have tried everything and I mean everything I can to get him to have contact with dd. He's just not interested, only when it suits him. Have went through a lawyer and told him he will have no further contact with dd until he can provide stability, being in her life consistently.

Dd is upset and been asking to contact her father. Should I allow her to contact him?

I do not want her getting hurt in any of this, I have no jealous feelings etc towards my ex, I truly wanted nothing more than for him to step up and be a father to our dd but sadly that's not the case and I want my dd to be happy, not getting hurt every time he lets her down.

You can’t force him to be a dad unfortunately

@RedCandyApple I know I can't, it's so sad. But my question is do I allow dd to call him? Or just leave it? He will speak to her on phone if she phones but will be like drawing teeth. But it might make dd happy, until next time he lets her down.

Do the phone calls make her feel better or do they upset her more. I would base it on that

I'd distract her and say he is busy at the moment. It Might deflate her if he doesn't answer or is absent when on the phone.
Ps what a arsehole!!!

He sounds like an arsehole. Is he likely to want a relationship with your daughter? If he will speak to her on the phone, however reluctantly, I would probably let it happen. As she gets older, I suspect their relationship will grow apart.

I think it's important to encourage a relationship. That might not be the meaningful relationship between them that you had hoped for though. But if she wants to call him why wouldn't you let her? He might be unreliable in terms of calls and visitation, and her expectations can be managed and will change over time as she gets older. I wouldn't be preventing her from calling though, I think that's a slippery slope. Not easy though.

Also, I think it's important to realise we cannot stop our children from being hurt. I read a post once and it really resonated with me, that what we need to be teaching is resiliance so that they are able to cope.

He will more than likely tell everyone you stopped him from seeing her.

I think i would have left it how it was.

It's her dad and she wants contact. Yes you should allow her to phone him.