Should I carry on with mediation

[Sweetie1980]

I have posted before so sorry! I am due to attend our third joint mediation session this week, the other sessions were awful. I can't see us agreeing. My ex is EA and verbally abusive and twists everything. We disagreed last night and he ended up shouting at me, swearing and calling me clinically insane in front of kids. When he got the divorce papers he said he wanted me analysed as how I could I leave a nice house and make myself poor. I would rather struggle and have three jobs than have to live with him. can I just go back to my solicitor? I just want it over

Would your mediator be able to do shuttle mediation, where they put you in separate rooms and go between the two of you? It must be horrible having to put up with such nastiness from him.

Thank you @just saying. I may ask her about that as she has asked to see us both for 10 mins at the start of our next session. It's making me so anxious I feel like just negotiating via solicitors.

I completely get where you are coming from, it must be really hard! Mediation is often cheaper than solicitors fees (not sure if u r legally aided tho). Is the mediation in relation to finances and do you think that it is helping at all to resolve those issues? Or are you getting nowhere at mediation? Have they said how many sessions there will be? It must be really hard if he is being so nasty x

How did it go.
You may find it helps because your mediator sees him for who he is. We're none of us at our best in mediation so I guess they give some benefit of the doubt to start with.
What did she say to you in your 10 mins?

Mediation is not suitable (or recommended) where there is violence or abuse in the marriage. The mediator may be unaware that this is who is is, or that you are suffering extreme anxiety as a result.

Speak up and tell the mediator what is going on.

It was so draining , he now wants the children 6 /14 but thought he didn’t have to pay any maintenance , he will still need to pay some on his salary . I feel almost certain it’s money motivated now but I have no chance if this goes to court have I ?

It's definitely all about the money (and control) for him. Don't let him bully you. Go back to your solicitor and seek advice. Don't get into the "he said she said" because it doesn't matter from a law point of view and will only drive your costs up.

He will be entirely within his rights to have the children 50% of the time, so if that's what he wants, there's nothing you can do about it.

The divorce settlement will be based on a well-worn formula, so regardless of what he says, you will be awarded the amount stated by law.

Try not to freak out. Divorce is always horrible. It will be over soon and you will be able to concentrate on building a new life for you and your kids.

Thank you. He seems very angry that he has to pay maintenance . It's so horrible being in the same house 😥

A lot of married men view their earnings as 'their money' while their wives, particularly if they have children, view their earnings as family money and won't think twice about using it for household and family expenses (rather than spending on themselves).

Men get really angry about paying maintenance, which is infuriating because it brings such poison and rancour into the divorce process.

Hang on in there and try not to react to his anger. He'll just have to suck it up eventually (and you won't be around as a target for his bile much longer).

Thank you , I really appreciate your comments. Its the digs I get like I am take take.v I was very surprised that he would complain about reduced maintenance. He reduced his work so he can argue he doesn't earn muchabout mediator has based it on the last two years of accounts. He didn't like this at all.