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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Original poster

Mesher order or sell home

47 replies

Divorcedandlonely · 10/01/2022 18:22

Hello
I’m going through a divorce and have been to hell and back. Husband met another women and they recently bought a house together. We’ve been through court who have approved a draft order for a mesher order for me to stay in the marital home with our daughter. I’ve worked out the mortgage and bill payments and I can just about afford it, but what I wasn’t expecting was that I have to pay for all the maintenance and repairs on the house until it’s sold off. I questioned this but the judge said it’s standard if I want to stay there. It’s my husbands house but I would have to take over all the bills and mortgage and maintenance. The house will be sold if I meet someone else or when my daughter finished education. Has anyone been in this situation who can offer some advice. I though he would have to help out financially and I’m surprised he doesn’t need to pay for any maintenance. I don’t know whether to tell the court I don’t want to go ahead and to sell the house but I would have to rent. He has bought a house with this woman and I’m paying his mortgage off and paying for the maintenance on his house. It’s degrading

OP posts:

Original poster

Divorcedandlonely · 10/01/2022 18:24

The draft order says I will get 60% when it’s sold, it’s not enough to buy myself a house or even a flat

OP posts:

AlDanvers · 10/01/2022 18:29

Can you afford to rehouse yourself now if you sell?

I think its fairly normal to be responsible for the upkeep of the property if you are staying in it. These are the reasons lots of people don't go for them. Also cuts more ties with the ex sooner rather than later.

Would the 60% really not be enough got a deposit somewhere?

How old is your dd?

Original poster

Divorcedandlonely · 10/01/2022 18:32

I tried to get a mortgage to buy him out but I didn’t qualify. I’m 54 already which hasn’t helped my daughter is 13

OP posts:

NewMessageFrom · 10/01/2022 18:34

What about a mortgage on another property

Authenticcelestialmusic · 10/01/2022 18:36

Did you speak to your bank or a broker?

FutureExH · 10/01/2022 18:36

@Divorcedandlonely

Hello I’m going through a divorce and have been to hell and back. Husband met another women and they recently bought a house together. We’ve been through court who have approved a draft order for a mesher order for me to stay in the marital home with our daughter. I’ve worked out the mortgage and bill payments and I can just about afford it, but what I wasn’t expecting was that I have to pay for all the maintenance and repairs on the house until it’s sold off. I questioned this but the judge said it’s standard if I want to stay there. It’s my husbands house but I would have to take over all the bills and mortgage and maintenance. The house will be sold if I meet someone else or when my daughter finished education. Has anyone been in this situation who can offer some advice. I though he would have to help out financially and I’m surprised he doesn’t need to pay for any maintenance. I don’t know whether to tell the court I don’t want to go ahead and to sell the house but I would have to rent. He has bought a house with this woman and I’m paying his mortgage off and paying for the maintenance on his house. It’s degrading

You're not paying "his" mortgage off. He's lending you some of "his" mortgage capacity and one day you are going to have to reimburse him for that. The costs of maintenance are for your home; from his perspective the house could just be left for x years and then only fixed up for sale (or sold requiring maintenance). The reason it needs to be maintained in the meantime is because you plan to live there.

That's a Mesher Order and as you can tell, it has downsides as well as upsides. If you don't like it, don't accept it. Sell and rent.

AlDanvers · 10/01/2022 18:37

But getting a mortgage on that house will not be the same as getting a mortgage for a flat/smaller house?

Have you seen a mortgage advisor?

Personally, I would be looking at housing myself sooner rather than later. But that's me. I think you can only do what you feel is right.

But I do think it's normal for you to take over all costs while you have sole use of it.

Sunshine712 · 10/01/2022 18:38

My friend got a mesher order because she didn’t want her ex to have a large amount of cash and she knew he wanted to sell. I think she was clinging on to try and get back at him, but she realised she made the wrong decision. She ended up selling the home early and went into rented, she said she didn’t care as long as it was somewhere she could say was her own and she hated the thought of paying her ex’s mortgage like you said. She’s now free of him and building her own life without any ties.

TheVanguardSix · 10/01/2022 18:39

I'm in a similar boat, OP and from what I am learning, I am beginning to understand why Mesher orders are not popular. Your reasons are exactly why they're not so common anymore. That said:
Here's a link for some useful information regarding the transfer of property in a divorce.
I also highly recommend The Smart Divorce podcast which is hosted by a financial advisor who invites legal experts onto the show.

FutureExH · 10/01/2022 18:40

@Divorcedandlonely

I tried to get a mortgage to buy him out but I didn’t qualify. I’m 54 already which hasn’t helped my daughter is 13

Sorry, I just saw this. I think a Mesher Order is a really, really bad idea for you financially. On the one hand, at least it's only for what, 5 years? On the other hand, when you come to need to sell and move you will be 59 and only able to get a mortgage for about 8 years duration.

Would he agree to a 70/30 split in return for a clean break now? It might be in his interests because he could take the lump sum and significantly reduce his mortgage payments when the fixed term on his current mortgage ends.

LittleBearPad · 10/01/2022 18:40

You would own 60% of the house when you came to sell so you’re not just paying his mortgage off.

Would you really want to negotiate refunds every time you had the boiler fixed?

awishes · 10/01/2022 18:40

Pretty normal for a Mesher Order. Don't do it!
My ex wanted me to take a Mesher, don't forget the rise (if there is one) in the value of the property will be shared with him. That would grate!
I really feel for you.
What's your solicitor's advice

Original poster

Divorcedandlonely · 10/01/2022 18:42

I saw two different mortgage brokers, and I didn’t have any mortgage capability with any bank. I can see why mesher orders aren’t popular now, I think it’s better to built a new life sooner rather than later

OP posts:

AlDanvers · 10/01/2022 18:43

@Divorcedandlonely

Do you know why that is?

Earnings? Credit rating?

LittleBearPad · 10/01/2022 18:44

@Divorcedandlonely

Do you have a job or plan to get one?

It seems tough not to have any possibility of a mortgage

Original poster

Divorcedandlonely · 10/01/2022 18:44

I pushed for the mesher order as I wanted to stay in the home but the more I’ve learned about it the more I think I’ve made the wrong decision. Now we’re at the draft stage and I want to say something before it’s too late

OP posts:

Original poster

Divorcedandlonely · 10/01/2022 18:46

It was both earnings and credit ratings, lots of late payments so all my own fault. I work full time but minimum wage.

OP posts:

FutureExH · 10/01/2022 18:46

@awishes

Pretty normal for a Mesher Order. Don't do it! My ex wanted me to take a Mesher, don't forget the rise (if there is one) in the value of the property will be shared with him. That would grate! I really feel for you. What's your solicitor's advice

This is good advice although I would just add that Mesher Orders are normally even worse for the person who doesn't enjoy use of the property. Either it takes up so much of their mortgage capacity that they can't afford to buy a home and rent until the Mesher Order expires (at which time they tend to get the lower percentage and often can't borrow enough to buy because they are too old) or it becomes a second home and they have to pay CGT on their share when it sells.

The courts are frequently moving away from Mesher Orders and I really don't think they are suitable for you. If your ex has already bought another place then I'm inclined to say his housing needs are met and maybe you should have 80-90% of the equity and offset it against other assets.

AlDanvers · 10/01/2022 18:49

So the only benefit, is that it will enable you to improve your credit rating?

Personally, I would sell now. Use some of the money to rent somewhere, pay off any debt and spend the next 3 years improving my credit rating. Then look to buy.

AlDanvers · 10/01/2022 18:50

Oh and also I would offer to sell now, for a bigger portion of the equity, as someone said above.

If he doesn't want the mesher, then he might jump at it.

millymolls · 10/01/2022 19:21

As others have said this is standard
It might grate but he’s deferring his share of investment- the 4o%
If he was to get that now he could use it to invest elsewhere and see capital appreciation whereas now he can’t do it’s right he gets that share plus and increase in value
Personally I don’t like them as I think it ties you together longer and often leaves the party owing huge sum in their later years when unable to secure mortgage

TheVanguardSix · 10/01/2022 20:02

I am so sorry. I realise I didn't add the link. But reading your following posts, the link would be a bit useless because it looks like you've gone down the road of trying to get a mortgage in your own name. I totally feel your plight as I'm in the exact same boat. I'm 50, haven't worked for years, going back next week to a low-paying job- it's a start but it's not the solution I need now.
I too was going down the Mesher Order route, but having read a lot about them here on old threads (do a search) and on other sites/forums like Wikivorce, I realise that I'd rather let these walls go than stay suctioned to someone I really, really need emancipation from! It's a strong word, but I totally mean it.
I'd ask for a larger split than 60%. What's his pension like and are there other assets, collections of any kind? How old is he?

FutureExH · 10/01/2022 20:38

@TheVanguardSix

I am so sorry. I realise I didn't add the link. But reading your following posts, the link would be a bit useless because it looks like you've gone down the road of trying to get a mortgage in your own name. I totally feel your plight as I'm in the exact same boat. I'm 50, haven't worked for years, going back next week to a low-paying job- it's a start but it's not the solution I need now. I too was going down the Mesher Order route, but having read a lot about them here on old threads (do a search) and on other sites/forums like Wikivorce, I realise that I'd rather let these walls go than stay suctioned to someone I really, really need emancipation from! It's a strong word, but I totally mean it. I'd ask for a larger split than 60%. What's his pension like and are there other assets, collections of any kind? How old is he?

More than 60% might be possible but there are a lot of factors we don't know like what the respective earnings (and earning capacities) are. If the difference in earning capacities is not massive it's unlikely to be that generous because the OP only needs a 2 bedroom flat. We also don't know how much time the child will spend at each household. So legally whether or not 60%+ is possible depends on a lot of unknowns, although if ex is a high earner then it does look like he's already met his housing needs so...

Original poster

Divorcedandlonely · 10/01/2022 22:15

The judge decided on 60/40 so I don’t think it’s negotiable. Thanks for the advice it sounds like selling is the best option and having no more ties feels like a weight lifted already.

OP posts:

StrifeOfBath · 10/01/2022 22:56

It isn’t his house OP, it’s 60% yours.

How much is the mortgage compared to what it would cost you to rent?

Do you have a pension that you could take 25% from when you have to sell the house, to put towards a new flat?

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