Hellllppppp

[unisurge]

Hi I've posted on here a couple of times. I need help and I don't know where to go. I don't have any close friends just a few "acquaintances" and I'm embarrassed to admit what's been happening. My husband has asked me for a divorce again a few days ago. We've just been in the same house but not talking or doing anything together. I tried to talk to him yday and it escalated into a massive row in the kitchen with the kids in the next room. He hit my arm really hard and left a mark and grabbed my arm and threw me. Previously he has hit me (not in my face) and put his hands around my throat. The worst thing is I'm still begging him back. When he left my 15 year old son said to me he didn't think he was being very nice to me or when he heard our arguement the other night at midnight when I thought he was asleep. What the actual fuck is wrong with me? Why am I desperate for this man to love me and take me back? I literally have less than zero confidence. I feel worthless. He says I'm lazy, miserable and frigid. I have no get up and go, everything good we have is because of him. Can someone please tell me how to get help what sound I do?

Hi,

I don’t have much advice but I couldn’t read and run!

You need to leave and look after you and your kids!!

I know it’s hard and feels like you need him but I promise you don’t, you are a strong woman and you can do this!

I’m not sure to who you can call in your area but are your parents or siblings around you can call. The hardest thing will be the first bit!

Wishing you the best)!!!!

Op, it would be good for you to talk to or contact Womens Aid or other helplines, your GP? Samaritans?

If he wants a divorce what are the housing options?

Do you want him or some comfort/a partner or not want to be alone ? Can you and the kids go to the council for housing help? Or will husband leave?

Sorry things are tough, but if he doesn’t want to be with you and neither of you are happy maybe divorcing is right?

And what he did is abuse, domestic violence and not ok. You deserve better

You can’t help your feelings for this man but you need to listen to your head not your heart.

This is a terrible example for your children. Do it for them. Good luck.

I think you need to ask him to leave the home- move out and tell him you're reporting him to police, OP. He needs to leave and then file for divorce.
What you're clinging onto doesn't exist. Why you're clinging onto it is because you've been ground down by an abuser. It is very hard to see the forest for the trees when you're emotionally worn down, but you must, absolutely must confront this reality and get some fire in your belly. Don't be afraid of change. Be afraid of staying in a dead end abusive existence where nothing changes. Don't waste your time. It's precious.

He assaulted you and you need to report it to the police and get some protective orders.
However, you’re saying you’re begging him to come back. There is a deep psychological issue that will hold you stuck unless you address it, so you need a support of a therapist or counsellor.
Build up your support network asap. Call your GP and report it. Call the police. You’re probably used to abusive behaviour and cannot see it for what it is. It’s time to stop hiding it from people.
Wish you strength x