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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Original poster

Charge on property

32 replies

Sweetie1980 · 08/01/2022 14:28

Hi all, currently trying to agree on finances, my stbx is difficult and wants to give me nothing basically. He knows by law that I am entitled to half the equity in the house, he is self employed but his accountant has managed to play down his earnings so it looks like he doesn't earn much. As he has mortgage capacity he wants to get a mortgage to top up and the mediator said I could take more equity and have a charge on my property, to pay him back later from selling house. my solicitor had previously advised me that I would be entitled to more equity (65/70 ) as I am primary carer and only work part time but this doesn’t seem the case . He wants 50:5O shared care for this reason I think ,.. he is abusive so it’s hard. Can anyone help ?

OP posts:

FutureExH · 14/01/2022 13:13

@Sweetie1980

Thank you , he only put himself down as 60 percent interest on his form e, I don't have access to the money as he gives me a ‘budget ‘ each month and he never wanted me to have access to the pin number, he also put staff costs down but there is only me and him. Is there any way I could raise a mortgage against the house? The houses he has suggested are also not in the catchment area for high school ( ds in year 5)

If your son is only in year 5 then the catchment of a high school is irrelevant. Your son is going to have to change schools at age 11 anyway and lots of children go on to schools where they don't know many of the other children going there.

millymolls · 14/01/2022 13:15

It will have a school allocated to it though …. It’s not yet relevant if he’s not actually yet at secondary
Are you looking to go back full time ? That would help your mortgage raising capacity too

Original poster

Sweetie1980 · 14/01/2022 13:19

Well it is when its the high school he wants DS to go to...we wouldn't get him in if we lived in this area... Ex is set to inherit millions and is not prepared to help at all. I have so much respect for men that thinks that think of their children..

OP posts:

Original poster

Sweetie1980 · 14/01/2022 13:24

Yes I really want more work milly, I am trying my best to increase my hours ( I work from home contracting ) but the work is not there. I am not work shy, I get up with my kids everyday at 6am and do everything for then and chores before work. Ex rolls out if bed at 9am 🙄

OP posts:

FutureExH · 14/01/2022 14:08

@Sweetie1980

Yes, but that's something for you to negotiate with your ex. A court won't consider it relevant.

Also, bear in mind "thinking of their children" doesn't necessarily mean the same thing to both parties in a divorce. I'll use mine as an example.

In my STBXW's head, me "thinking of the children" includes:

Me working in a demanding job that will provide me with less and less time to spend with the children as I return to the office with a long commute in order to provide her an income so that she doesn't need to work more than 15 hours a week (the cost of the commute, tax and child maintenance would be so high on the last £15k of my salary that I would actually be financially better off to quit the job and work somewhere closer to home);
Because I am working in said demanding job, me giving her a 15 year long Mesher Order on the family home with only a 30% equity interest so that the "children are stable" even though there are houses that cost £100k less in the same area that would be deemed suitable;
Me providing her with an income after the DCs turn 18 so she needn't work full time until they leave home and can claim I "denied her a career."
Me seeing my children only once every other weekend.

In other words, she aims for life to go on as before but without me in the picture and apparently that's all "for the children" (presumably the huge benefits she will gain in free time and a stress free job as the children grow up is just a by product!)

Whereas for me, "thinking of the children" is very different. I think when a couple divorces where one has earned the money and one stayed at home, there has to be a shift in the dynamic. I believe both parents become financially and domestically responsible. For her, that means she should maximise her earning capacity. For me, it means I should scale back my career so that I can provide more time to my children (which further frees up my STBXW to perform more of her income generating duties).

Whether or not she takes me up on the offer of being more present for the children, I'm not going to be burning myself out commuting so she'll have to get used to a lot less income from me anyway.

Original poster

Sweetie1980 · 14/01/2022 15:46

That makes sense to me, I know I had to maximise my income but it won't happen straight away. Ex has been working from home since covid and purposely took less work in the run up to divorce. The mediator had to tell him to do a school run to get used to it. He could have had more time with DC but goes out most nights to play sport /pub

OP posts:

FutureExH · 14/01/2022 16:13

@Sweetie1980

He sounds a bit of an oaf! My job used to prevent me doing school runs very often but I started working from home once a week about five years ago and now mostly work from home so I do around 50% of the school runs. Work also see children being around sometimes whilst I work as the "new normal" so I guess I'm lucky.

However, you will need to balance your expectations. On the one hand you have an ongoing financial need but the reality is the source is unreliable and even if he was being honest and decent it would be fair and reasonable for him to reduce his hours if he has one less person dependent on him but also needs to be more present for his DCs.

What you want to focus on - I think - is making sure he does his fair share of the child rearing so that you can be in a stronger place financially on your own. If he's unrealiable, at the very least he should be accountable for the cost of some childcare so you can make your own living.

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