Finally divorced/feeling lonely

[JustLookingforAnswers]

After nearly two years the divorce process and house sale were all done and at the end of November I moved to my new house.

DS 6 took it all a lot better than we thought which was a huge relief! It has just been over a month now and he often asks why mum and dad have to be separated, why we can't go back to the old house and if he will ever have a brother or sister.

I'm completely heartbroken for my little boy and feeling so sad for this bigger family I will probably never have. Feeling sad for our old home and wishing I could give him the family unity he asks for. I feel sad for him growing up without siblings and it really breaks my heart.

Marriage really wasn't good and his dad was emotionally abusive towards me which I'm working through trying to feel better about myself again.

Whilst it is nice to sometimes have some alone time in my new home, it is also lonely and I can't find meaning in anything I do.

I miss my boy when he isn't with me and I keep grieving for what I have lost even though I know that marriage was wrong in every way.

Can anyone relate? Will this feeling get better and will my little boy be ok?

Sorry for the rant, not a good evening today x

I know exactly how you're feeling. I felt just like that when I got divorced. You grieve what you lost - all the promise, the structure, the whole set up. Even if the man was wrong, the idea was still wonderful.

It gets a lot better. I'm remarried to a much nicer man now. I do get the occasional pang - usually at Christmas, or when something really significant happens - for what the DC and I lost. But honestly, day you day, everything is better.

That’s really lovely @AlbertBridge
I don’t have anything really helpful to say @JustLookingforAnswers - you’re doing the right thing working through the abusive behaviour and letting yourself feel the grief. It is natural, and I’m sure it will get better. Spring is around the corner too X

I’m in a similar position but not quite at the end of a divorce and I’m still living in the family home. I’m waiting on a settlement figure (the stage we are at now) before deciding whether to buy him out and stay here or buy a new build 3 bed house (not built yet). This house is mortgage free but, obviously, he’ll need to be bought out somehow.
My marriage was 20+ years long and my stbx wasn’t abuse or anything - he is actually a very placid, nice natured man - but I wasn’t attracted to him and we lacked connection. There is a ten year age gap and it shows. I was the one who felt unhappy for years (sexless marriage for over a decade and no affection).
I’m dealing with the guilt (or trying to deal with it) of ‘destroying our family’ - as stbx puts it. He has reacted very badly to it and still doesn’t understand why I was unhappy. My kids are older (teens) and the youngest has coped well but the eldest, like his dad, blames me and has moved in with him. That is hard! I just couldn’t go on anymore and it was affecting my life.
I feel really bad for you. It must be hard having a younger child who doesn’t understand why his mum and dad aren’t together and it sounds like he thinks about things. Like the pp said, you will meet someone else. And, even remarry. Don’t stay home all the time and dwell on it. Give yourself time to ‘grieve’ and take your little one on holiday this year (if you can). Get out and meet people later. There are probably loads of people in a similar situation.
It’s tough…really tough but you can’t stay in a relationship that isn’t right.

Yes. I won't lie, it took my DS about 18 months to bounce back. But he was a bit older and our break up was traumatic.
The brother/sister thing is a bit of a red herring. He's more after playmates tbh. Playdates might be the answer

Thank you all for your replies, it is very helpful and a good reminder that whilst hard, it is the right thing to do and time should hopefully make things better! x

I get many days thinking like this.
Yes ,the security,the plans,the family...
It was all I wanted and I keep replaying why it couldn't work out.
My son is my family now,not his dad.

I do understand all those feelings you mentioned.