Splitting childcare with a FT senior teacher

[Whenthesmokeclears]

I'm drawing up a childcare split with my ex who is a FT senior teacher. We're going for a rough 60/40 spilt. But I'm finding it really difficult to work out- he can't do any school drop offs or pick ups during the week. He works until late a lot of the time, meaning that even the children going to his house for dinner a couple of nights a week seems impossible.

He would need to use constant wrap ariund care and then I think, well what's the point in him having them only for them to be at before/after school club, when I'm free to have the children myself?

But if he only has them at weekends, why should he get all the down time and me do all the running around?

If he were their mum he’d have no choice but to accommodate care for his children either through after school care or by making himself available to collect them. I don’t see why you have to work out his issues for him. I’m in a not dissimilar position in that I’m separating and splitting childcare 60/40 with my STBX who works in a demanding job. We’ve agreed days he will have them which fits with current childcare arrangements, which he will pay for - if there weren’t already childcare arrangements in place, he’d need to organise that in the same way I would on my days.

Contact is for the benefit of children, who need a relationship with both parents, as a parent he needs to organise his work and life around his commitment to care for his children. You’re continuing to do the wife work for him - it’s his issue to sort out.

Don’t forget you’ll both experience life style changes following a split - he may not have had to do pick ups or drop offs before now, but things are changing for you both.

Don’t worry about him using wrap around care - that’s his choice. He can do that on his days or change his working patterns on those days (or a mix). That’s not up to you - equally, don’t facilitate him avoiding childcare by doing much of it for him on his days!!