He suggested couples therapy. Is there an ulterior motive?

[catLADY7756]

My husband is very manipulative and very emotionally abusive. I suggested divorce and he wants to save the marriage. He suggested I look up and pick a couples therapist and we will go. This has taken me a back and my gut is telling me that he is too calm and calculative. If i pick a couples therapist and we attend the sessions and I still want us to divorce. Down the line when we are divorcing, will this go against me or be disadvantageous to our separation? He is a lawyer and is a lot smarter than me so I am doubting myself and what his plans are?

Could anyone here advice me please.

Not a lawyer, but I don't see how it would be a disadvantage to have attended. You will be able to say you've tried everything.
A decent therapist won't try to persuade you to stay in the marriage if you don't want to.

From what I’ve read on here, it’s not advisable to have counselling with someone who is abusive as they will just get the counsellor on side and use the sessions to abuse you further.

Whether it will advantage him in a divorce I don’t know. But I think you’re right to be wary, he’s playing mind games with you.

Never go to joint counselling with a manipulative abuser.

I agree with the above. Counselling is not recommended in an abusive relationship. And anyway, he won't stop being abusive because he's had couples counselling. My STBEx wouldn't go for counselling for years and years and once he knew I was serious about separating he changed his mind and said he thought we should go for counselling. My experience was it was a sham. Not the counsellors fault, but I think he really liked my husband and I couldn't really be honest until I finally blurted out in one of the sessions that my mind was made up! I can't believe it would go against you in any way if you say no. I suspect he doesn't want to divorce because his life is fine, never mind how unhappy you are! Take the leap x

Have sessions on your own.
These people will dominate and make the session zbout them
Once you had individual and know what you want
You will have your lines ready for any joint session

You want to split up and he doesn't so he wants you to go to counselling so that he can blindside the counsellor into agreeing with him that you have been completely unreasonable, and that all the difficulties in your marriage are your fault. He will use the sessions to abuse you further.

DON'T GO to joint counselling.

Is there any financial reasons for him delaying a divorce? Tbh if you think he's that bad, I would divorce him now because you don't trust him anyway.

Should make little difference to divorce proceedings whether you go or not, but it might help him emotionally control you and coerce you into not filing.

My concern would be that he is trying to buy time to do something, such as hide/move assets?

I would say no to counselling. If he's manipulative he could use the sessions to his advantage or as a way to buy time/convince you to stay.

My concern would be that he is trying to buy time to do something, such as hide/move assets?

This was my first thought, too

Hide/move assets.
Have a basis on which to refuse divorce? Evidence of being reasonable.
Has he cheated? If you know about it for more than 6 months you can't use adultery as a reason.
OTOH counselling was great for me as little by little my ex revealed how controlling he could be. And he squirmed when she pointed it out. Particularly joyous memory of her saying "Bob, that is just a cop out". When he realised he couldn't manipulate her he wouldnt go anymore.

Dont go into counselling with an abuser for all the reasons previously posted. If I were you, I would get divorced ASAP to stop whatever the reason is he is trying to stall. If you're decision is made, crack on, life is too short and you need to cut ties with him to prevent further abuse. Good luck OP, be brave x

The fact that he is telling "YOU look up and pick a couples therapist and WE will go!"

He is already being manipulative in getting YOU to do the work and also, he will state he wanted to go for therapy.

If you want to separate get cracking on it, if he really wanted to go to therapy he would have already set up the sessions himself.

Don't listen to him!