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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Original poster

EXH blown up about my long term relationship

15 replies

SingaporeSling01 · 04/01/2022 14:22

I have three young kids that I have a 50/50 parenting arrangement with my ex. We still are not divorced. I am waiting 2 years for him to file.
When we first separated we drew up a parenting plan and finances. The Parenting plan, which is not legally binding, includes that we should let the other know before introducing new partner to kids. At the time of the mediation I was an emotional and mental mess. I definitely did not do well out of the deal financially. Although that is a separate issue.

I met someone 12 months ago who is now in my life regularly, had met kids and we spent new year all together.

EXH knew about him but did not tell me he knew. He’s now blown up in my face threatening to go down the full custody route.

Anyone else navigated this before?

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 04/01/2022 14:24

Your ex will never get full custody just because you're now dating someone. He's full of shit and trying to control you. Ignore the tantrum and keep careful documentation of any abuse or threats. Save all emails and text messages.

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 04/01/2022 14:27

He’s now blown up in my face threatening to go down the full custody route.

Do you think he means it? Or do you think he's just saying this to frighten you?

He won't get full custody of the kids because you have a boyfriend. If you've agreed to have the kids 50/50 then there is no reason really for a court to change that.

To be fair though, you HAVE gone against the terms of the agreement that you mediated. He probably still would have kicked off anyway though so don't worry about it, let him do his worst.

BurnedToast · 04/01/2022 14:28

I'd just ignore him. At least it reminds you why he's an ex

GreenLunchBox · 04/01/2022 14:29

Why didn't you tell him before introducing the new guy to the kids as agreed?

SeasonFinale · 04/01/2022 14:31

Also if the financial plan will also not be legally binding so if he wants play silly buggers so can you especially if you don't feel the finances were divided fairly.

MooseBeTimeForSnow · 04/01/2022 14:31

And any financial “agreement” you made isn’t legally binding until the consent order is signed off during the divorce.

Pinkdelight3 · 04/01/2022 14:34

The plan might not be legally binding but it sounds like it was made to avoid this kind of blow up. Any particular reason you didn't stick to it?

MerryChristmas21 · 04/01/2022 14:35

Tell him to crack on. There's no way he'll get sole custody because you didn't tell him about your new bloke.

Why didn't you do what you'd agreed though?

MollysDolly · 04/01/2022 14:36

Why didn't you stick to the agreement?

saraclara · 04/01/2022 14:37

@MollysDolly

Why didn't you stick to the agreement?

That. And how would you feel if he hadn't stuck to it?

AlternativePerspective · 04/01/2022 14:38

Tell him to crack on then.

And sorry but agreeing that you will tell the other before introducing children to a new partner is ludicrous. Yes it’s perhaps common courtesy if you parent well, but tbh I think given his response he was going to act unreasonably even if you’d told him. Would probably have said he didn’t agree etc etc so now he’s shown his true colours I’d revisit the financial order as well given it isn’t valid until the decree nici.

Original poster

SingaporeSling01 · 04/01/2022 14:38

I appreciate that the perfect course of action Would have been to sit down and have a discussion. However…. Trying to find the right time / place … also was scared of his potential reaction and doing exactly what he’s threatening now…
He admits I’m an amazing mum but he obviously is wanting to have everything set out in his way. There’s two sides of course

OP posts:

AlternativePerspective · 04/01/2022 14:42

Why didn't you stick to the agreement? well, given OP says she’s been short-changed in the financial agreement, and based on his response to the DC meeting someone else I’d say that a lot of this has been manipulated via him which the OP has felt she had to stick to, and now that she’s been free of him for a while has realised that actually she’s entitled to her own life and that he’s not the boss of her.

His reaction of threatening to go for full custody is typical abuser tactic, and I’m sure this isn’t the first time he’s been abusive.

AlternativePerspective · 04/01/2022 14:46

Sorry bold fail:

Why didn't you stick to the agreement?
well, given OP says she’s been short-changed in the financial agreement, and based on his response to the DC meeting someone else I’d say that a lot of this has been manipulated via him which the OP has felt she had to stick to, and now that she’s been free of him for a while has realised that actually she’s entitled to her own life and that he’s not the boss of her.

His reaction of threatening to go for full custody is typical abuser tactic, and I’m sure this isn’t the first time he’s been abusive.

FutureExH · 04/01/2022 15:55

I wouldn't play silly buggers if the finances aren't signed off. A long term partner is cohabiting and reduces your needs from the family capital relative to his.

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