Problems with my wife

[Funguy21]

I am at a real loss. Being with my wife for 20 years have a 18 year old and 14 year old. We get on brillant are best friends and up until 7 weeks ago we where happy and had just agreed to buy land and build a new house for the next stage of our lives. We are both 41. My wife lost her uncle 6 months ago who was everything to her he had no kids and she was his number one girl. She was spoilt financially all her life by him and with horses for showjumping. Now there was physical and lots and lots of mental abuse that went on. I have always said she suffers from some form of Stockholm syndrome. She hasn’t grieved as far as I can see in the 6 months from his death. She burst into tears 2 weeks before asking for a separation hugging me saying please don’t leave me I have no one without you. I said princess I’m not going anywhere I’m never leaving you. He died 11th may this year and I came home from work on 11 Nov 6 months to the day saying she needs space and time on her own her head is all over the place and she wants a separation. She has since also admitted she is suffering pre menopause symtoms and her moods are all over the place. She has moved out left me with the two boys and moved into her uncles old house and sleeping in the room her aunt and her uncle who she nursed to death for three weeks died in. She says her head is going to explode and she can’t cope with anyone but herself and also says this is her time and there must be more to life out there and feels she has been coasting along in life. Now after doing a lot of research it seems to me she is suffering from a form of mid life crisis that has come on out of nowhere from intense grief and loss. She ticks all the boxes for it. She has pushed me away her mum away her best friend away she wants to be alone in a house on her own. She is def suffering depression also I believe. She has admitted she needs professional help and in her worlds I don’t even know where a counsellor would start with me. She keeps saying I want to be the centre of someone’s world. Well she was the centre of her uncles world in an obbessive unhealthy way. I don’t know what I’m asking here but I don’t want to give up on her but I have to focus on myself and my kids mental health also. It’s so difficult

I may add she is drinking wine a lot aswell and alcoholics run in her family which is concerning .

How awful. If you can get her to a private gynae, I would do so as soon as possible, especially one that specialises in peri/menopause. She may very well need HRT treatment. I would also support her in getting therapy, again, as quickly as possible. It sounds like she needs a great deal of professional support.

Can you get a close friend to go over to the house and talk to her?

She does need help but it’s so hard because she is pushing everyone away. I’m mean she has learnt over the years to put up a wall because she never wanted to show him she was upset. She did a reading at his funeral and the only reason she did it was so if he was looking from above he would see she did it with no tears. She also said I need help but a strong person doesn’t need help. I said baby seriously this is going to eat you and destroy you you can’t run away from this

Her friends have no idea about any of this mental health stuff her mum doesn’t even know half of what I know because she could never tell her parents of the mental and physical abuse because he would take the horses away from her. I mean she stayed with them every weekend and if she had a pole down he used to lock her in the stables for the night. The only person who has sort of got the wall down is me but now she has moved out

Please reassure her that a therapist will be able to help her, no one is beyond help. Is she up to finding one herself, or would she be open to suggestions from you? It would be far quicker to go private if that's possible.

She could also see her GP about antidepressants and/ or HRT if appropriate.

@CorrBlimeyGG

Please reassure her that a therapist will be able to help her, no one is beyond help. Is she up to finding one herself, or would she be open to suggestions from you? It would be far quicker to go private if that's possible.

She could also see her GP about antidepressants and/ or HRT if appropriate.

My sister is going to research this and take this on and try and get her the help she needs. She has been though a lot herself over the last few years so is going to find help for her and some articles to maybe explain the way she is feeling.