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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Original poster

Restraining order against new partner?

18 replies

NosyJosie · 29/12/2021 10:39

Divorced with a contact order and fully settled on both finances and children.

Ex’s new partner will NOT stop getting involved and is abusive and intrusive. The contact order is for him but can I take steps to stop her contacting me?

OP posts:

Steelesauce · 29/12/2021 10:44

How have you reacted so far? Have you spoken to your ex? Have you asked her not to contact you?

Original poster

NosyJosie · 29/12/2021 12:13

Yes clearly asked multiple times in writing

OP posts:

SweetBabyCheeses99 · 29/12/2021 19:20

How is she contacting you? There aren’t too many methods of electronic communication that can’t be blocked. Letters can be returned to sender.

Original poster

NosyJosie · 29/12/2021 19:31

Uses his phone, face to face. She’s a treat.

OP posts:

givemepiece · 29/12/2021 19:48

Ex, I am considering asking you to please only contact me through email in future. Unfortunately 'new partner' is overstepping in regards to contact so I am forced to block your number going forward unless you can guarantee she will not contact me any further.

givemepiece · 29/12/2021 19:49

Let's hope she's not around long!

Original poster

NosyJosie · 29/12/2021 20:09

I have written to my solicitor today and they’ll be getting a letter. As it’s his phone he’s in breach of the contact order. I honestly don’t think she cares about what happens to him if I filed a report but it’s heading that way.

OP posts:

ConfusedNoMore · 29/12/2021 20:16

It's harassment. Tell her firmly that it is regarded as harassment and you'll be going to police if it continues. Keep screenshots and print them out, should you need to. Tell ex email only unless emergency. Tell him you will be blocking number and only unblocking during contact for emergency purposes.

Urgh. You have my sympathies.

Original poster

NosyJosie · 29/12/2021 22:26

I keep everything. It’s exhausting.

He’s behaving weird - I think he’s scared of her

OP posts:

Aphrodite31 · 01/01/2022 04:46

Can you open a dialogue with him that excludes her?

Can you have a meeting through solicitor? That way she can't be involved.

You need to ask him about her. Why is she breaching the order? Why can't he stop her? You need to discuss with him without her.

gonnabeok · 01/01/2022 05:41

Have you recorded all contact from her- dates times and what has been said? If not do this. She sounds the type to ignore a solicitor letter. If she does you can make a complaint to the police of harrassment.

Original poster

NosyJosie · 01/01/2022 10:14

We’ve arrived at the court order….. in court. We are not supposed to have a dialogue unless it’s an essential urgent matter for the children (school issue, hospital, etc) and everything else goes in the contact book (someone has a birthday party, homework is in the bag etc) so I am not going to ask him to sit down for a chat.
Everything is recorded. I literally have a ream of texts and emails since we split up. They on the other hand record everything they perceive as evidence of me being a bad parent. Tried to present this in our last court session and the judge dismissed it as utter bollocks. By way of example “putting the youngest child (10) at risk by leaving them unattended while I do a weekly shop”. There are no special needs - a ten year old can survive an hour while I’m in Tesco.

This is all about control and money. I’m embarrassed on his behalf. If I spoke to my new partner’s ex the way she speaks to me he would flip his lid. Similarly, if this was flipped and it was between the men, not only would my ex have called the police himself, he’d also be concerned for mine and the children’s welfare with someone that bonkers and authoritarian behaving like that. I honestly don’t know if he is safe himself. It’s all very strange.

OP posts:

wizzywig · 01/01/2022 10:16

Can you apply for a non molestation order?

Original poster

NosyJosie · 01/01/2022 20:03

Not sure - I think you have to report someone to the police first

OP posts:

Snowywintersundays123 · 02/01/2022 07:29

@NosyJosie it’s a non mol order you want. A restraining order is issued by court upon conviction of a criminal offence, a non mol is a civil order. I’d pursue the non mol, against both with a power of arrest.

If the non mol is breached by either you give a statement to police and they are arrested / interviewed

RedWingBoots · 02/01/2022 08:15

OP you can't get a non-mol against his new partner as you have no association with her.

You can try to get a non-mol against him. Whether you would get one depends on the judge.

You are best of talking to your family solicitor be about whether to just report her to the police and getting the police to warn her off.

The police are use to one or both of ex and current partner of a person behaving like this.

As they don't like your parenting anyway just be prepared for them to continue their harassment by taking you to Court for alleged breaches of the contact order until your youngest is 13/14.

languagelover96 · 02/01/2022 13:03

Request a non molestation order against him. Talk to your lawyer and also involve the police.

Original poster

NosyJosie · 03/01/2022 12:24

Therein lies the hesitation. He is in a role where he can’t have a criminal record and a non-mol would be a disaster which would ultimately make things worse for the children. She’s the main problem and need to find a way to get her to back off. I’ll see what the solicitor says this week but thank you all for your feedback. I am exhausted. This has been going on for years.

OP posts:

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