Abandons child & returns to UK with a ‘Sex Worker’!

[shemesheli]

Husband of 18 years -
I seperated due to Domestic Violence (verbal abuse, refusing to work, gaslighting) he couldn’t handle the separation and absconded abroad with family business money stating a business trip & would return in a few months. He didn’t return for over 18 months.

Was barely in contact with our child & offered no financial support. He was gone for 18 months! It all coincided with the start of pandemic.

My young child suffered from worry, sense of rejection & still awaiting his Dads return naturally ....

During November ex partner crash lands in the UK without notice. Does not ask about his son only about potential access to any money..... :-( Followed by how is my child!

I later find out he has been in the UK 2 months living in a B & B with a girl half his age who he calls his girlfriend. This young girl is from a third world country & it’s been confirmed from another source she is a ‘Sex Worker’ and when ex partner ran out of money abroad he lived from her earnings obtained by sexually selling herself.

I had arranged for him to visit our son under supervision but since receiving the news about his love for a ‘Sex Worker’ whom he lived off ...... I can’t think what’s for the best!

Firstly I am sad, disgusted and embarrassed that he could live from her! Morally it’s sick! I don’t judge this young girl I judge his him!
:-(

Secondly he welcomes her to the UK on his British Passport which he obtained from our marriage when he knows he has a child to support..... we are still married as I couldn’t obtain a divorce due to not knowing his whereabouts.

He has continuously lied & seems certain he loves this woman. I have moved on from him but am totally shattered by the other details and effect can have on my child’s - he’s not a role model and it’s all serious loud alarm bells!

I do not know ex partners intentions as this girl is on a tourist visa yet feel his intent is to keep her here & build a life stating to me he wants to be here for his child and Co parent.

We are still married and he owes child maintenance - He is not employed as far as I know & not registered unemployed.

Legally what should I do? Do I leave them to it and not allow my child access?
Do I report them to immigration incase he intends to live from her earnings as a sex worker in the UK and that he intends for her to stay here!

I have not stopped sobbing it’s ruined my otherwise festive spirit and it feels like he keeps hurting us..... I would not have contact if not for my child.

If you were happy with supervised contact before you knew about him exploiting this young woman then I can't see how that would make the difference when his 18 years of abuse didn't.
Make the assessment based on the risk. This woman doesn't sound like a risk?

@shemesheli
You need to get this moved to legal matters (ask MNHQ) Or re-start it in legal matters.
There are a number of excellent lawyers over there who can help you.
You'll get opinions here which are not useful in your situation.
Good luck!

It is illegal to live as a pimp off the back of a prostituted woman. I would just phone Crimestoppers and pass on any information you have anonymously. Let it fall out however it will. You need to safeguard your child and he doesn't sound like a fit person to have contact, so he can wait until he has been to court and obtained a court order. Let Cafcass etc have a look at him. Good luck.

NynaeveSedai
Domestic Violence is complex & not black & white. He did not abuse my child so I had no issue to refuse contact with my child.

This woman’s work and his apparent pimp type behaviour are ALL highly worrying so my risk assessment is supervised contact or no contact!

growinggreyer & DameCelia
Thank you yes I feel this is the approach :-(

Being a newbie how do I move this thread to legal?

@shemesheli
Use the report function to report your post, ask for it to be moved in your report.

Don't leave your child alone with him for gods sake.
And get a legal separation, you don't need to know where he is for that so he can't claim any more of your money.
People like this will abscond with your child and use them as a bargaining tool for money. Do NOT be soft about access.

No my child will be with me and a chosen mediator at all times

If he is living off her earnings as a sex worker, then that is a form of pimping isn't it? Report him to the police and do not allow your son a seconds unsupervised access with him.

Tough one op, you need a solicitor.

How did you managed to get some much information about their relationship and her working status when you didn't even know where he lived for 18 months. Are you sure your source is reliable?

Do I leave them to it and not allow my child access?

Do this

My DM divorced her first husband when he disappeared and she did not know where he was. I think she had to document efforts made to trace him and allow a certain amount of time but she could then divorce him in absentia.

This was back in the 60s so I'm sure it will still be possible today. Have you spoken to a solicitor?

Source of information is solid. I will not elaborate for fear of revealing too many personal details. She’s also from a country where sex workers are regulated so she will be registered as one!
It was confirmed she was helping him financially & he did not work! Pimp basically, however wrapped. I can’t be sure if he wouldn’t do it here in the UK but he brought her a long way! She’s in the UK as a tourist. I still have no address for him.

It’s a horrid story that I wish to end.... I’ve cried buckets over Xmas due to the absurdness of it all. For my son, for the predicament he’s put us in, refusal of child maintenance etc.

I do not blame myself in anyway as no idea someone could be so callous, selfish and immoral! I fell victim to a manipulator.

I’ve now grounded myself and will not have any contact with him apart from a one of visit with my child and another person present, purely for my child to have some type of reconciliation - know his dad loves him! However that will be wrapped also!

Just insane all of it...... :-(((((

Yes I’ve applied to the court are; Divorce whilst absent as no idea where he lives :-(