Stbx pushing to move things along

[ThankGoodnessForTea]

Hi,
I separated from my husband earlier this year after I filed for divorce last Christmas. It was a long, loveless and sexless marriage and I called it a day. He didn’t see it coming even though I’d given plenty of warning signs.
I had, initially, applied for a quick divorce and it cost £500 - I was willing to split the family home 50/50 (mortgage free) and not bring a financial solicitor in so would leave pensions untouched.
Anyway, it became apparent that he wasn’t contributing anything to the children (2 teens) and he’d also come into £180k inheritance (property) that has been ring fenced by his solicitor. I am still in the family home as I was advised to bring in a financial solicitor as I was told the 50/50 split was unfair as I had the children. I have also worked part time for 12 years (now full time) so my earning potential and pension have taken a hit!
The process has taken ages as I’ve had to get a pension CETV etc. and I have said to my solicitor that we don’t touch each other’s pension and I’d rather the house was split in a fair way. My solicitor has said I should get more than 50% due to the fact he has another property and is mortgage free, his pension is ‘hefty’ and the fact I’ve been part time for years. He’d also paid AVC’s into his pension from the marital pot. I actually earn more than him as I’ve worked hard to rise through the ranks whereas he has stayed on the same pay point as when he started with his company over 20 years ago. I had more when I was part time so I have carried him
financially throughout our marriage.
His solicitor is starting to send bullying letters threatening mediation if things aren’t moved on. I haven’t had any sort of settlement figure so don’t know what I am going to get anyway. They have the full declaration of assets/salary so I’m not sure what the hold up is. Once I know the settlement figure I can put the house on the market or even plan to buy him out.
The eldest child (almost 18) is staying with him more these days but the solicitor has aid he doesn’t count anymore.
I haven’t applied for decree absolute yet as I want some sort of financial stability first. The solicitor is charging £240 an hour so it isn’t cheap!
I would prefer to move out of the family home and rent until this is sorted. The family home will then be sold and chain free. However, I can’t afford to pay rent and cover bills for two houses!
Has anyone else been in a similar position?
If I knew what % I was getting I could make decisions!

Pensions are just like savings so I don't understand why you would want to exclude them. Plus, what will you live on in retirement?
"[property] ring fenced by his solicitor." -- yeah, his solicitor doesn't get to do that, only suggest it!
Start from the basis of getting 50% of each asset. See where that leaves you ...

... can I also just check that you have your own solicitor, and are not relying on your husband's solicitor for guidance? Your husband's solicitor is trying to do the best for the client, not anything fair to you, whatever you may be implying.

Why would you ask for less than you are entitled to from the settlement? Do you feel guilty about the divorce and you think it will make you feel better?

I think you should go for a proper settlement. If that's 50/50 fine but it should include everything. Excluding pensions out of a misguided sense of 'fairness' will only be to your detriment.

This stage is really crucial. I think your solicitor is suggesting the right thing for you as he is looking after YOUR best interest ie getting you as much settlement as you are legally entitled to. He is also thinking about your future and having a share of your stbx's pension is totally fair not least because your income and therefore pension have been hit. Had you stayed together, his pension and yours combined would mean a better income but you will need to rely on your pension on your own in retirement so it is a very important consideration.

Do not feel hurried by the other solicitor. Listen to his advice. This is negotiating for the best share for your. 50/50 is only the starting point. Don't make any concessions or give anything up that you may regret in years to come. I'm not sure how the 180K has been ring fenced since you are still legally married and it should all count in the marriage pot the same as if you had come into inheritance.

I mean listen to your own solicitor, sorry

Yes, I have a solicitor.

And, yes, I guess I do feel guilty as I instigated the split. I just wasn’t happy and rightly so as there was nothing there!
The inheritance has been ring fenced as he acquired it after the date I’d put down as the separation date. He is also over a decade older than me so his solicitor is spinning the fact that a decade’s worth of his pension was acquired before the marriage but this doesn’t take into consideration the fact that I lost a few hundred thousand in lost earnings/pension while I was working part time looking after his children! My pension will probably be the same as his once I’ve caught up in age (if I stay on the same income and I don’t get I’ll or something) but that is simply because I earn more than him - always have.
His solicitor sends correspondence via mine which is emailed to me but they don’t seem to question what he’s said. I really think he has a better solicitor than mine.
The latest thing my solicitor wants is for me to get some mortgage advice to see what I can afford and they will go in with a starting figure for a settlement.
I’m concerned that the age gap between us will leave me out of pocket as he is due to retire in a few years.
I’m not sure how my future earnings will factor into it too as I’m due 2 substantial pay rises in the next 5 years. However, I am not sure I’ll stay in the role as it’s extremely stressful! I may need to look for a lower paid role.
I definitely think it’s unfair that I have a lower pension due to working part time but I think his solicitor is playing the fact that my stbx is a decade older than me.
My solicitor has said she will go for a bigger share of the family home so I can afford to stay in it, if required. I guess I don’t want the pensions touching as I don’t want any ties with him in the future. I am aware he has topped his pension up through the marriage, with AVC’s, out of our joint account. I always paid in an extra £800-£1200 a month to the joint account than him (when full time) as I earned more.

I’ve been back full time since 2016.

You can ask for a greater proportion of the house to offset the pension. Have any valuations of the pensions been done? Proper ones not cash value.

I'd be worried that the mortgage info might be used to argue that if you can borrow X then you should get Y (50% house & pension) minus X. As your DH is older and might not be able to get a mortgage for the same value.

A starting figure for settlement (to my naive and inexperienced brain) should be 60% of house/pensions/savings/assets given that you were PT for so long and primary carer. Mortgage should have little to do with it?