Meeting potential new partner during divorce?

[NewChapter22]

I am getting at the end of the divorce process and has just met a men who seems like a decent human being! I have been on an abusive relationship before and been doing the freedom programme. I am taking things very slowly and trying to ask lots of questions to get to know them properly. Am I making a huge mistake given that I have only been separated from my ex for 6 months? I am at an early stage of the dating process and have kids so trying to be super careful about who I bring into their lives. Any thoughts, advice or experiences?

Be very cautious, and are you ready

Go for it, life is too short and he might be a keeper. Good luck.

I am being very very cautious and he has been very patient bless him.

Any experiences that others can share?

No experience or advice but personally I would keep any new man separate from the children for a long time after divorce and certainly not introduce anyone new until I was absolutely sure about this person.

Honestly I think it’s far too soon, especially considering you mention doing the Freedom Programme which means you recognise you have work to do in recognising healthy and unhealthy relationship patterns, establishing boundaries, making good choices about partners and so on.

Six months since separation is no time at all if the separation was an amicable one from a good relationship, let alone a bad one. It certainly isn’t “taking things slowly” as you claim to be doing. Are you sure you’re attracted to this man because you really think you know enough to tell that he’s a “decent human being”, or because you simply don’t want to be on your own and he seems better than that?

Be single for a good while. Get to know who you are when you’re not with or reliant on a man. Concentrate on your children and helping them heal from their parents’ separation and the effects of living in the miserable home which presumably came before it.

Thanks Comtesse, very wise advice!
I am not scared of being on my own to be honest. It just happened that I met this guy and I am just wondering on what to do next. I also don't want to take my attention off the kids so perhaps as you said best to end this new relationship or put brakes on it ..

I met my now partener of nearly a year when he had just started divorce procedings (now fully divorced). I have never been married myself but had only been split from an abusive ex perhaps a month or two. My mental health took a massive decline so i went on a date with someone i thought was nice. At the beginning we both said we wherent really looking for anything. We ended up having long chats him about issues with his ex wife and divorce, in time i opened up about my ex partener and things he used to do. Through this we somehow fell in love. We trust each other completly and both know what we wont accept in a relationship. It would of taken someone really special to break my barriers down again after my last relationship but i trust him completley he had gone through similar emotional abuse with ex wife maybe thats why we clicked idk. Either way every situation is different. In my opinion u will chose urself when to open up and feel safe in doing so. Kids are always first of course, but u found myself in such a low place i wasnt the mum i used to be at the beginning but now thats all changed and with his help i am better than i ever was. Trust ur gut i hope everything works out for u either way no matter what choice u make x

Thanks covidtrap for sharing your experience. Glad things worked out well for you. I have kids in the equation so I need to be v careful

Your kids have also been through an abusive relationship and divorce, they will need your time and attention to recover, 6 months is no time at all for them, never mind you. I’d let things really slow down with the new man - if there’s anything there if meaning it’ll still be there when you’re in a place to pursue it.

Personally I think it’s too soon. You think you are ready but there are a lot of unresolved issues from a bad marriage/divorce. I made the mistake of thinking I was ready for this after a similar time. As it turned out, I was just desperate to be wanted and found attractive and I think anyone would have done me at that point. I also felt that the man I met was nice and too good to be true, which compared with my ex, he was. However, he wasn’t perfect by any means and it took me some time to realise this. Looking back, my advice would be to focus on your children and just date casually when they are with their dad. Meet lots of men, don’t hang your hat on one. You get to find out more about yourself doing this and meet different types and personalities.

I met my wonderful partner soon after separating. The marriage had been emotionally over for a long time, although we hadn't plucked up the courage to actually split.
I was ready to move into a loving relationship & I be happier with my decision.
We did take things slowly, at first but fell in love & mutual respect easily.
MN tends to be very cautious about posters starting new relationships, however, every situation Is unique. It depends on what you want & need. Not the opinions of others.
Just take baby steps, if you're happy & having fun there is unlikely to be any harm.