Am I going to destroy their world ..

[htfdth]

Ok, I've hit the wall with H .. lies, affairs, very controlling. I'm close walking out, I have nothing, no control of finances, no plan b no family. I've done a bit of research and me and the two dc would end up seeking a safe place via a local dv charity. He is not violent but very bloody clever. My Mail / post is monitored, movements questioned daily. This morning I was asked why I showered before the school run 🤷‍♀️ I'm usually given some money monthly (which has reduced overtime).. and has now stopped. I've been trying to build my credit history up and saving a little which he's found about. So I'm behind on paying bills, running a car on very little fuel and watching every penny.. weeks before Christmas. I have a little PT job which pays me a little, they've kindly given me a bonus and I'm hoping he doesn't find out. I think I need to get away from this man, I can't leave without the children but I don't think they are going to be happy about leaving the nice family home (which I'm a prisoner in).. they both have autism so not much compassion and need their routine. Do I hang on until after Christmas and tread carefully.. I know I have to be brave and get away but I'm just so scared of what lays ahead. Anyone have any words of wisdom or first hand experience

What is the situation re home ownership / tenancy? Whose name is the property in?

We rent, all in his name.. he won't leave and his office is also local - business owner. I literally will have nothing but I don't even care anymore

I hope you can find a way to leave ASAP. If you're home is a prison then escape has to be your priority.

No, you are going to build a new, healthy world for them. And for you. Do it before it gets too late.
Speak to your local DV charity, they have lots of resources to help you start formulating your escape plan. Stay strong x

Do you have your wage and any child benefit paid into your own account, not a joint account ?
Does he have a private pension ?

Given your description of him all your dc really need is you op.
Can you get help irl? My ndn hired me a van and I left while ex was at work.

I've been given a number and time to call for some more advice and legal steps. I know it's going to be far from easy but I just can't live like this. From the outside looking in you'd never know, it's been bad for a while now but the switch has definitely flicked in my head. The level of control isn't healthy, I'm ashamed I've let it get this far but spending the rest of my life with this man isn't something I'm ok with. He won't leave, he's told me to go before and threatened I'd never be able to take the children so I've put up and shut up. Irony is he has nothing much to do with them. It's all such a mess. The children mean everything to me and I'd never walk away without them. Thanks for listening x

If you can op start keeping track on paper of who is the main carer. So school runs, appointments, clothes shopping etc. Keep a diary of what you do that regards the dc.

Goodness! What a terrible situation to be in. What an awful man - I think I’d flee as fast as I could. As others have advised, you need to speak with someone. Get advice. See a solicitor and get a free hour consultation and explain your situation. That is no way to live - for you or your children.

I do everything, that's easy enough. His last wife long before me kept the kids.. rightly so. He see very little of them maybe once a year but they are grown up now. But he has always claimed she was a useless woman and did nothing for the kids! He cheated on her two it later transpired.. My two need their routine, I do everything to make that happen. This is why I'm worried about taking them out of their home to a temporary place then who knows where. That's what I need to work out. I keep a note, thanks that's a good suggestion.

Sadly it will go in your/dc's 'favour' that he is still a shit df second time around...

@htfdth
Nothing will be "destroyed" OP. Mom and dad will live in different houses, that is all.