Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Is anyone awake?

16 replies

zgirldreamsoftulum · 14/12/2021 01:47

Just that really. Am 3:5 months on from separating from my h (his instigation) and also finding out he was lying and having an affair. It's absolute hell. Sometimes I can't breathe with the pain and unfairness. Would take sleeping tablets but have to be up ridiculously early with the children. Don't know how much more I can take. Already called the Samaritans tonight. Does it ever get any better?

OP posts:
Peridot1 · 14/12/2021 01:50

I’m awake.

I’m sorry you are going through this. It’s awful for someone who was supposed to love you to do this to you and your children.

But it WILL get better. It will take time. But it will get better.

Original poster
zgirldreamsoftulum · 14/12/2021 01:53

@Peridot1 thank you. I need so much to believe it will but the hurt is almost intolerable. Sometimes it feels worse rather than better.

OP posts:
Mrsbrownsbuoys · 14/12/2021 01:54

I'm awake. Sorry you're dealing with this. It does get better, it just takes time. One fau you'll realise you haven't thought about it for a few hours, a day etc, but you have to grieve for your marriage first.

Be kind to yourself. Can you get up and make a cup of tea and watch a favourite TV program on catch up?

mandajmo · 14/12/2021 01:55

It does get better. It starts with you believing in yourself and realising he's not worthy. You have lots going for you but you've had a shock l. Honestly, ride the storm and focus on your kids. Become clinical and practical in your feelings with him. If you feel up to it, speak with a solicitor. You've got this! Biscuit

NatriumChloride · 14/12/2021 01:59

I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. You’re in the thick of it now and still grieving and processing it all. It will get easier with time as you start to slowly but surely build a new life for yourself. Right now - what can you do to take your mind off things? Can you get a snack? Or watch something on tv? Or both?

Original poster
zgirldreamsoftulum · 14/12/2021 02:02

@Mrsbrownsbuoys and @mandajmo thank you. Yes am still grieving. Very much. Swinging between grief and rage and sometimes I feel I'm going to explode with it all.
Yes taken legal advice (All very depressing). Thank you. It helps so much to know I'm
not the only person awake in the night and to feel heard.

OP posts:
Original poster
zgirldreamsoftulum · 14/12/2021 02:06

@NatriumChloride 🙏 thank you.

Have been scrolling social media but it isn't helping. Going to try to sleep as have 6 am start and have to collect my mum from hospital after the school run tomorrow.

Thank you. I feel really rubbish tonight. I can't stop crying.

OP posts:
Mrsbrownsbuoys · 14/12/2021 02:08

Hope you manage to sleep. Do you have sleep podcasts you can listen to? Or shoddy music? I suggest with insomnia a lot, too much on my mind, I find counting backwards from 999 helps because I have to concentrate so it stops the intrusive thoughts.

Mrsbrownsbuoys · 14/12/2021 02:09

Soft music, not shoddy!

weegiemum · 14/12/2021 02:11

I'm awake.

I don't have anything helpful to say, but I didn't want you to feel alone.

BeepBoopBop · 14/12/2021 02:23

Going through the same, similar time scale. No children, but dogs, life, history, future plans, my best friend, all down the pan for a shag with a sc**er. I'm hurt, angry, devastated BUT it is getting better. Try some affirmative hypnosis on YouTube as you sleep. It's not you, it's him. You are worth much more than the deceitful toad. It will get better Brew

Original poster
zgirldreamsoftulum · 14/12/2021 06:53

@BeepBoopBop and @weegiemum thank you🙏
@Mrsbrownsbuoys I did a bit. No podcasts but will look some up as felt pretty overwhelmed by everything tonight/last night.

OP posts:
Original poster
zgirldreamsoftulum · 14/12/2021 06:54

@BeepBoopBop so sorry you're going through this too

OP posts:
unicornsarereal72 · 14/12/2021 07:04

It gets less painful in time. Look after yourself. And focus on any small positives you can.

Have you spoken to your gp? Anti depressants enabled me to cope. And stopped the roller coaster of emotions.

I also found a charity counselling group. Who offered me 12 sessions. It gave me a safe place to vent.

Christmas is always difficult time for many. Try to focus on the new year and new start for you.

Passmealargewine · 14/12/2021 07:21

I'm so sorry you're going through this.
I promise you things do get easier & it will slowly start getting better. Speaking as someone that's three years on from it.

I found it helped to avoid social media for a while, remember most people will only post the good bits. It made me feel worse sometimes.

Agree with what another poster said about podcasts, I got really into them & find then a great distraction

BeepBoopBop · 14/12/2021 07:39

[quote zgirldreamsoftulum]@BeepBoopBop so sorry you're going through this too[/quote]
Thank you, I'm very sorry that you are too. It will hit you time & time again, like a tidal wave BUT tell yourself as it happens "this is a really sad thought" and it'll help you move away from it. If you get a chance today, get some self-esteem hypnosis ready for tonight, get your headphones ready and start a night routine. Keep right away from SM, it will be a bumpy ride, but his colours will show and unfortunately he is no longer the man you married. x

New posts on this thread. Refresh page