20 years of my life dumped on my doorstep

[Cashncarry]

I’m sitting surrounded by boxes and bin bags that ex-H’s best friend has just unceremoniously dumped on my doorstep. After 4 years of divorce proceedings, moving into a flat last year with the clothes on my back and then fighting to see my kids and get my stuff since then, I’m just exhausted.

I’m so sad. I’m so tired. I don’t know how I can keep going. Now I’m surrounded by all this detritus of my life. I feel totally overwhelmed and cannot fathom that this is my shitty life.

I can’t put this on my friends and family again so I’m turning to the MN Massive to kick my arse and tell me it gets better. Anyone got any good news stories of their life being in the shitter and things getting better?

You've been fighting to have your stuff. You now have your stuff. One battle over.

Put on some really uplifting music and unpack, one bag or box at a time, putting things in their proper place in your new home. Keep a bin bag open and chuck anything that's worn, broken or really depresses you. When the bin bag is full, put it in the bin. When you've worked for a couple of hours, have a good tea break and a treat. You'll get through it.

Eighteen years ago that was me. I was sitting in the basement flat of a work friend who'd taken pity on me and given me a home. My entire life's belongings from the previous 23 years were piled up in the back of my car. I sat there in the silence and just thought, is this it ? After all those years, my life consists of this ?

It did get better - a lot better. I still had my job, and my kids were older and had left home already so I didn't have any problems with that side of things. But I had to start living life again as a single woman, and make a good life for myself. I cried a lot but I put one foot in front of the other, every day.

Eighteen years later I'm so happy. I've got my own place, I married again 13 years ago and life is great. I see my ex once a year and he is so pathetic, I even feel a bit sorry for him.

You'll get there, op. Take it one day at a time, talk to people in real life if you can. Do some nice things for yourself, even if it's just reading a good book or going to the movies. I did that a lot ! Be kind to yourself - you've been through the mill, take it easy and heal yourself with some self care. Best wishes to you xx

Thank you both. I’m just wallowing and I’m getting on my own nerves. You’re right of course. Glad to hear things might get better. I’m lucky to have a job with amazing colleagues. I just need to keep looking on the bright side. I have all my books back which feels good.

No other real advice other than maybe grab your favourite of the books-curl up with a blanket, cup of tea (or drink of choice 🍷) and lose yourself in a story for a bit

Excellent advice and a very apt user name - thank you xx

I agree that getting your stuff back is a win! So one less thing to stress about in future. Now get it all unpacked and put away, put on some music you love, open a bottle of wine or fix yourself a nice G&T or whatever you like and just crack on. This is the first day of the rest of your life. You're moving on. That's something to celebrate

Sounds cheesy but now is your time OP, make yourself your priority. What do you want? What do you enjoy doing? What makes you happy?

Thanks guys - have opened some vodka and going through the bags. Not as awful as I thought it would be.

As to what I want … I guess I’ve put all that stuff on hold until I can see my kids again

Why aren’t you seeing your kids ?

Long story but basically my ex used lockdown to brainwash my kids into not seeing me. Hard to believe I know but I’ve been at court for a year and will keep fighting until I can get them the help they need.