Are you supposed to cut adrift your children once they're 18?

[februarty]

We are currently trying to work out financials through our respective lawyers. One DC in university, others teen. STBXH earns 5x my salary. Since moving out he's not given the older one (living in halls) any money and has proposed child maintenance (of the minimum amount that you'd get through CMS) until DC are 18.

I get that there needs to be a cut off, parents can't support DC for the rest of their lives. But why do men get to do this? I can't and won't leave my DC to fend for themselves at 18. Which means I'll have to do it alone until they're earning themselves. This has been a long marriage and the DC aren't someone STBXH just fathered and forgot about. We've lived as a family all their lives and he's only been out of the house a few months and he seems to have forgotten about them already and wants to do the bare minimum.

Oops sorry wrong thread!
I'll get it removed!

My ex stopped paying child maintenance when DS dropped out of college, with mental health problems during lockdown. Not in a position to get a job. I had to cover that. The CMS allowed him to do it. The day he finishes college next summer he'll stop again. DS is blinkered to it but I think he's slowly realising.

@februarty

We are currently trying to work out financials through our respective lawyers. One DC in university, others teen. STBXH earns 5x my salary. Since moving out he's not given the older one (living in halls) any money and has proposed child maintenance (of the minimum amount that you'd get through CMS) until DC are 18.

I get that there needs to be a cut off, parents can't support DC for the rest of their lives. But why do men get to do this? I can't and won't leave my DC to fend for themselves at 18. Which means I'll have to do it alone until they're earning themselves. This has been a long marriage and the DC aren't someone STBXH just fathered and forgot about. We've lived as a family all their lives and he's only been out of the house a few months and he seems to have forgotten about them already and wants to do the bare minimum.

That's one perspective.

My situation is a little different to yours. In the future would not pay my STBX to keep our adult children for the simple reason that if they need a home and she can't provide that then they can live with me. I would find it ridiculous to carry on paying her mortgage instead of my own to put a roof over my children's heads.

University age children can claim maintenance directly from their parents - there is a legal obligation to support children at university. You could include it as part of the divorce settlement agreement but stipulate it’s payable to dc.