How do we cope financially

[TherapyClient]

I know it's the least of our worries, with all the emotional upheaval of divorce, but I'm used to being able to afford to live. Now, with a tiny single income and many more outgoings to pay for single-handedly, it's going to get seriously tough. Especially bringing up children.

How do you cope?

Most people on a low income can claim benefits and help towards childcare. Some get help from family ,and there is maintenance from the ex partner. Its a lot harder for some than others I'd say.

I’ve worked it all out with benefits and maintenance, and it's going to be so tight. I'm thinking about treats we never got round to like Legoland, and wondering how I'll ever afford to now. I know it's the little things but I suppose it's a part of the picture of the losses. Same with birthday presents and parties, weekend activities, I mean, going to the cinema is off limits as it's so costly. All of it. And that's without the fact the carpets need replacing and I won't be able to afford that either. I just wish I'd payed for it last year, then it will be sorted before all of this fallout.

It's seriously hard and there's no getting away from that. It was one of the hardest things for me to accept that my life was so different post divorce.

Anyway of you earning more (like you've not thought of that already!).

Feel for you, it is tough.

Yes I’ve tried to think of everything, even whether we need a TV! Unfortunately I'm tied in to Virginmedia until 2023 and unless I move house I don't suppose I can do anything about being tied in like that. It would probably cost more to break the contract than just suck it up and pay each month!

I won't lie, it isn't easy. It depends how old your children are as to how much they can understand. The kids will adjust but it doesn't stop us worrying.
Yes the practical points like replacing carpets, household maintenance etc are always a worry when there used to be two incomes for that and now there's one.

1. Make sure you get good legal advice. The burden for payments falls between you still for the kids. Work out whether you can claim spousal maintenance as well as child maintenance.

2. You may want to consider downsizing if this is an option. It could release capital that you could use to supplement your income.

@comfortablyfrumpy

I won't lie, it isn't easy. It depends how old your children are as to how much they can understand. The kids will adjust but it doesn't stop us worrying. Yes the practical points like replacing carpets, household maintenance etc are always a worry when there used to be two incomes for that and now there's one.

Yea it's hard for them, but children are often more resilient than us oldies aren't they. I suppose I grew up with no money so don't want them to have the same experiences, it can be so alienating.

@sunlovingcriminal

1) Make sure you get good legal advice. The burden for payments falls between you still for the kids. Work out whether you can claim spousal maintenance as well as child maintenance.

2. You may want to consider downsizing if this is an option. It could release capital that you could use to supplement your income.

Spoke to a lawyer today which was really beneficial

Will you not be getting maintenance? tbh I don’t get a penny in maintenance and just have to manage, I’m sure you will find a way.

I will, but bills and stuff on top of food and petrol, it all stacks up.

I think this is what is keeping me up at night currently. I have costed it all up and with universal credit I can manage, but there won't be much left over for luxuries and I am used to some of my wage being for nice days out with the kids, cinema, lunch, take aways, clothes etc. Its going to be hard. But I think the children would rather have nice memories of free family fun than living with the extra cash but a constant atmosphere. Maybe it will give me a push to ask for a payrise !

You will make it work. Go through all the bills and cut back where you can. Meal plan. Shop at Aldi. Second hand where you can. Turn heating down wear a jumper etc. I'm sure you know all the tips.

I went from a joint family income of around £80k pa. to my wages £30k.

I'm very fortunate I get some top up with that too. At the start it was a struggle I was paying back a whole heap of debt, after all my bills I had £50 a week for food shopping and £50 a week for everything else. Hair cuts. Clothes. Birthdays shoes car repairs etc. So I rarely had the money in my purse because there was always something needed each month.

Things have improved. I've no childcare costs now. Debts paid off and at the moment kids dad is paying child support. After nearly 4 years of not paying.

It was a big adjustment from not having to over thinking my spending on the kids days out. Ice cream clothes. We got without a second thought. Now I have to plan and think a head.

I'm also very lucky that when my washing machine died my sister helped out. And although I don't like to ask. I do know I have that safety net if I ever need it.

Now it is second nature to think about my spending. Looking in sales and planning a lead for things like Christmas. I always have some things in hand

Make sure you get financial advice. Use meal plans and see where you can cut back etc. Think ahead. Number your lists of priorities. Ask if you qualify for benefits and any other sources of financial assistance too.

When you look at your budget take the important things first, food/rent-mortgage/heating/water etc and try and calculate what is left.
You are entitled to Council Tax reduction,get in touch with Water Utilities and ask them to check your payments are correct they will reduce if you are in difficulties mine was £9 per week and after my OH died it was reduced to £4.80 not a vast saving but better in my pocket.Shop at discount shops such as Aldi or Lidl this week Lidl are offering £10 off a shop over £40 until 15th.
Don't be affraid to go to community Supermarkets for such things as Cereals and staple foods they are so welcoming and ask no questions.

For those suggesting spousal, yes it's possible because the OP hasn't told us the income disparity or the earnings of the divorcing couple. However, it's also quite rare especially nowadays because you lose universal credit £ for £ and most higher earning spouses don't earn enough to "bridge the gap" (i.e. afford to pay so much spousal that it's more than universal credit).

You essentially have three things going on. First is your earning capacity (at the very least normally zero until your youngest is 7, 20 hours at minimum wage until they're 11 and full time thereafter. If you already had a job or skills this might be higher).

Second is your universal credit and child benefit entitlements.

Third is your child maintenance.

Someone on minimum wage plus universal credit can normally achieve an income of about £1.8k plus whatever child maintenance is . Unless the higher earning spouse is earning in excess of about £85k they probably cannot "bridge the gap" without handing the weaker financial party more of their income than they can keep themselves. It would be extremely rare to non-existent that a court would order this because it would almost always be inequitable. Exceptional circumstances might be short term to retrain or a disabled spouse.

Don't just think about cutting back, do ask for a payrise. The jobs market is a buyers one at the moment and your employer may well prefer to bung you a few grand extra than have to recruit to replace you.

@OhamIreally

Don't just think about cutting back, do ask for a payrise. The jobs market is a buyers one at the moment and your employer may well prefer to bung you a few grand extra than have to recruit to replace you.

Can't ask for a pay rise as im medically retired through ill health

I'm really sorry OP I should have read through properly.