Week night contact

[Mummytomygirls]

Does anyone else’s children do week night contact with the other parent instead of every other weekend?

My ex works nights including the weekends so to fit in with his schedule he has the children Mondays, Thursdays and Saturdays 3-8pm. On the school days I find this has such a negative effect on them as it’s half hour drive back home and when they come in at 8pm they want to watch tv or play (they are 8 and 11) but I have to say straight to bed (they both sleep 8pm-7.30am and I have to wake oldest she is so tired from secondary school.) on the nights they are with their dad i feel like I am getting stressed with them to get into bed from the moment they get in and they keep wanting to watch tv with me or play, I end up shouting and feeling bad, finally they are asleep by about 9pm then the next day I struggle to wake them and they are bad tempered and we have to rush to school as they take ages to get up. My oldest seems anxious a lot and I don’t think this routine helps. Is there anything I could do to make it easier for them? A way to help them relax when they get home? This week they have colds and the rushing around in the week is really having a negative effect. I think the routine is not good for them but there dad said that’s the routine that fits in with his work.

Mine have always done 1 night in the week (initially Tuesday, moved to Monday due to clubs etc) and 1 night at the weekend (alternates so Fri-Sat one weekend then Sat-Sun) the next.
BUT their dad picks them up from school on the midweek and drops them back to school the next morning.

3pm-8pm doesn't sound like it fits overly well, although it looks perhaps no later home than a club would be. What do they do the other weeknights?

Two of the other weeknights they are straight home from school oldest does her homework as she has a lot to fit in those nights but they are easy to get to bed for 8pm. One other night is swimming night and that’s similar it’s a struggle for them to wind down they are home for 7.45 but in bed for 8.30 so it’s not as late as the two nights they are with their dad.

Your ex needs to realise its not about what fits into his schedule it is about your children. Can he not look to amend his work schedule so he can have them overnight sometimes?

Why isn't he having them overnight and doing homework etc? Sounds like they're just going to his for fun which isn't right

I have spoke to him before saying the girls get so tired on school nights and the weekends would be better but he didn’t get the hint, either that or he didn’t want to get the hint.

I was thinking last night I might ask him to have them longer on the Saturday and just one night in the week so it’s less tiring. Starting from when they go back to school in January, I will see what he says as this routine at the moment is really exhausting for them.

He works nights.

He does do some homework some nights, it feels a bit of a weird routine for them though all this backwards and forwards after school and even the Saturday afternoon is an odd time going round at 3pm. I hate seeing them so tired and now it’s winter and they keep getting colds it feels worse.

He has Monday Tuesday and Wednesday nights off but he lives 30 minutes (more in rush hour) from their school and they have to share a bed if they stay and the oldest can’t sleep very well in a shared bed that’s why they don’t stay over.

Could he get them ready for bed at his before dropping them off home? That way they could have half an hour TV with you at home to unwind and then be in bed for 8.30 still.

They can’t really take their pjs etc to school with them to change into later on otherwise that would be a good idea

He can have pj's there that rotate, you'd both have to be on board with making sure they get swapped over though.

Thanks we have managed to resolve it he is going to bring them home half hour earlier so they have time to get ready for bed x

That's good Mummytomygirls!