STBXH making v little effort with DC

[Peach2021]

When we first separated (after my calling him out for abuse) STBXH made a lot of noise about not being able to see the DC every day, lots of crying and distress.

However, he has moved a long way away, and despite promising that he would move back closer it isn't happening, and the DC are really missing him . It's part of the reason our marriage hasn't worked, because he can never not put himself first, but I really didn't expect this low level of interest.

A friend has suggested that maybe he's trying to force my hand to get back together, as he knows the DC's welfare is a huge priority for me...I can't believe he'd stoop that low but then I'm finding out a lot about him I hadn't realised

I don't know whether to keep telling him how sad the DC are, or just to leave it...

Leave it. The less contact they have with him the better. They don't need him, they've got you.

And you don't need him either which is why your divorcing him.

Useless people really aren't worth bothering with.

It’s not working so no point continuing

How old are the children?

How far is far. And did he have to move because of his job.

I emerge your other thread for how tearful he was in front of the children
So maybe for the best in short term

DC are primary age, their dad is now a full-day's drive away, and it's nothing to do with his job, he is just staying with friends. I am just horrified at how unimportant their wellbeing is to him...

I am just horrified at how unimportant their wellbeing is to him

Yet another reason to keep contact to a minimum. At least this way it's him not bothering and not a case of you stopping him. You can't make someone engage with their kids if they're really not bothered, unfortunately, sad though it is.

His relationship with his children, now and in the future, is up to him. Not you. By all means facilitate it when he actually manages to spend time with them or contacts them, but anything else is up to him.
It might be worth looking up information on parallel parenting rather than co parenting to help you out with dealing with these things.

This makes me very sad, as I fight tooth and nail to maintain the father-child relationship my kids have with me, against an ex that tries her hardest to break the relationship they have with me.

I wish my ex was like you.

@auberJohn thank you, it's making me sad too. I hoped he would be like you, able to put aside our differences to maintain his relationship with his kids, but it seems not.

@ThisIsStartingToBoreMe you're right, I keep offering, and suggesting, and generally going out of my way to make things easy for him (even when it's far from ideal for me), but...nothing. It's just heartbreaking to watch them dealing with it.

Parallel parenting is not something I'd heard of @AllInTentsWithPorpoises (fab name by the way) but it's definitely the only option that will work for us I think, he is too bitter and angry to do anything more constructive.

I think AllnTents has given good advice. You can't force him to see the kids. All you can do is adapt to the new reality and keep going. It might change, it might not.