Do I tell the children before Christmas?

[LucyLovesCheese]

To cut a long story shortish after years of indecision finally decided to separate from my H and told him, he agreed all good or so I thought as we are now nearly 4 months down the line and we have got nowhere. We rent from council so H said he will move out but nothings happening in that department (it’s like pushing a boulder up a hill) and he doesn’t talk about it.
So now my question or dilemma is I have been invited to family at Christmas-they know we have separated however we haven’t told the kids. I’ve realised I’ve made it awkward now for my family telling them about the separation but not telling the kids. Do I tell the children this close to Christmas what is going on despite nothing really going to change or not?
Pro’s of telling them as far as I can see are I hate Lying to them- it makes me very uncomfortable as I am very open with them and it sits badly with me.
It will give them time to get used to the idea of what’s happening.
Potentially it avoids a very awkward Christmas Day if we decide to have separate Christmasses.
Cons it’s just before Christmas- they are older but I still don’t want to ruin it for them.
Nothing is going to change for a while at least whilst trying to scrape together some money.
Any thoughts welcome my family really thinks I should tell the kids but somethings holding me back, probably as I know once it’s said I will have to deal with the fall out which I’m scared of!

Agree a date by which he will move out, otherwise you just bring your kids into the uncertainty you’re feeling. Once you have a clear plan, tell the kids.

My STBX is moving out in January, we’ll tell the kids much neater the time when we know where he’ll be living and what contact will look like.

Thank you for your reply.
My STBX won’t commit to a date so struggling to know what to do for the best.
I can’t kick him out as joint tenancy so feel a bit stuck with everything.

Don’t tell the kids until you are agreed on moving out date and really all the details of when they’ll see your partner and how their lives will look after the seaparation. It really will unsettle them and the uncertainty could dominate their Christmas. Your family can surely keep quiet about it when they see the kids.

How old are your kids and how big will the family gathering be? Mine are going to the stbxinlaws this year and seem unfazed that I won’t be there - I think there are so many people around at Xmas they won’t miss one parent not being there (not that I won’t miss them, but as long as they are happy…)

Won’t your ex be expecting to spend the day with them? I think it’s a bit late now tbh, tell them after Christmas and that might hurry him up to move out. I’m surprised they haven’t noticed, are you still having to share a room?

We were in a similar boat. Decided to tell them after Xmas, so we could have one last Xmas before their parents split. I'm glad we did. Eldest was upset, and I'm glad he had a Xmas without that on his mind.

If you and H are not talking about it and you haven't told the kids yet, and he has no plan about moving out, does he think it's not going to happen?
I think you need another conversation with him, underline that you haven't changed your mind.
Meanwhile, telling the DC before Christmas when it's only a few days away will be spoiling their Christmas, unless they already suspect. How come you are only dealing with this now, when you agreed to separate 4 months ago? You are worrying about not being open with your Dc, but what's been happening since you agreed to separate? Did H ask you to keep it from them?
Personally I would not tell them now until after Christmas. I would have Christmas day with H included ( if he can be trusted to be civil) and being with other family might make that easier.

I totally understand how you feel but I agree with the rest of the posters, I would not tell the kids now. You really have to have something to tell them, other then that you are separating as they would want to know.