Ending Relationship

[RacLou82]

I messaged here a while back about feeling unhappy in a sexless marriage. Well things haven't improved and hubby won't address or talk about his low libido, or fulfil his promise to see a doctor. Not only that but he no longer makes any effort to pleasure me in other ways. I have come to the realisation that this is not a situation I can tolerate anymore ( after over 6 years of trying) and I have fallen out of love with him. I am planning to ask him to move out after Christmas is over. How can I tell him this in the kindest way possible? He is not a bad person and really don't like the idea of hurting him. I want it to be amicable for the sake of our kids, and help him understand my reason behind the split. I have suggested separating before but he keeps talking me out of it promising to make changes, but never does, then he seems surprised when I bring it up again. We are going round in circles so I want him to know that there is no going back this time. Also, was wondering where I could get some free advice on how to sort out our finances etc, as I have no idea about these things and want to have a plan together before I tell him.

Thanks in advance

I think you just need to need to get a bit more pissed off at him! I know you say he’s not a “bad” person but he’s not exactly come across as a good one either. What would you tell a friend in your situation?

Yes I agree, he isn’t a great person as he’s strung you along in an unsatisfactory marriage. He has the key to improving it, but won’t.
I had ‘the chat’ and was surprised at how easy it was, the thought of it was causing me great anxiety.
I said that it was definitely over, and that there was no point playing the blame game, so I didn’t list his faults. Just said it was definitely over.
You need to find a family solicitor. I’ve had 2 free chats so far, as I’m probably waiting for no fault divorce in April.
Get your own bank account with your wage paid into it.
Get any child benefit also paid into it.
Do you own your home or rent, if you rent whose names are on the tenancy ?
Do either of you have private pensions ?
As an only adult in your future house you’ll be entitled to a 25% reduction.
Do you know where you want to live, how much he will want the kids ?

• 25% reduction in council tax

@GoodnightGrandma
Thankyou for the advice. We own our home, it's a 50/50 split. And I already have my own separate bank account with child benefit paid into it. I also have access to the joint account we use for the household bills and groceries etc.
His parents live nearby so I am hoping he will agree to move there temporarily while we decide what to do. I will let him see the kids as much as he wants. It will be much easier for the kids to stay in their home rather than disrupting them.

You may get more than 50%. The solicitor will tell you what to expect.
As I say, I’ve spoken to one twice now. I felt guilty about doing it, but it was very reassuring afterwards.
Good luck. Remember that you’re not the only one on here going through it 💐

You might be being a bit hopeful here, OP. I think you need to ask yourself why he is still there. If it's because he likes his lifestyle and living there in the house, he may not just say 'right-ho, I'll move out'. And he may well be advised not to. Can you afford to buy him out?

You can go to the gov.uk website and read the Separation and Divorce pages. Also there's the CAB website and Wikidivorce.

I think it's obvious from your perspective the marriage has broken down irretrievably and there's no way to make that fact any less hurtful. There's no reason for the children to move but how and what will you tell them? All you can do is tell him it is over gently but firmly and ask him to move out to his parents and that he can see the children as much as he wants. I think you have to give him directions and show your decision is final and will stick to it. Hopefully this will be enough. Once he's left, I am sure it will be easier for you to think about what the next steps will be and discuss it all with him as amicably as possible. But if he decides to stay put, can one of you will move to a spare room etc? Think through a few different scenarios first so you're better prepared.