Have posted before under a different username but can't seem to change it on my phone!
Recently separated from someone after a 4 year relationship. In the last year we bought a house, got engaged, got a dog, booked wedding for next year with plans to ttc after that.
So typically it's ended (he ended it but I brought up the issues). The last 18 months have been so difficult with the pandemic and changes to normal life, I think it brought to life issues which were easier to avoid before - mainly around intimacy (lack of). I guess I expected a relationship to naturally deepen over time, getting closer to each other and becoming more vulnerable, building that real foundation between the 2 of us. Whilst this happened on paper (house, marriage/kids planned), I always felt like I was being held at arms length and he would block any attempts of emotional or physical connection. In the beginning this was fine, as I was happy to take it slowly and allow us both to relax into a relationship. He instigated moving in together and all conversations about the future, which made me happy as our goals aligned. We got on well, compatible and lots in common. But it felt like there was a barrier and I simply couldn't get past it. It's like he couldn't relax and enjoy the relationship in the here and now. I began to feel like I could have been anyone, he just wanted someone to marry and have a family with, I felt old and undesirable (I'm 30!). He never seemed happy, just "fine". He wouldn't speak to me about anything remotely tough eg from the small things like if he was annoyed about something or to anything remotely big. So mountains were created out of molehills. I guess after (too much) thinking and analysing, it feels like there were some classic avoidant traits. Ultimately I'm relieved it's over as this couldn't have been sustained and I'd have felt lonelier as time went on and he would have withdrawn even further.
Has anyone experienced anything similar?