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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

I need 5 unreasonable behaviours

17 replies

GoodnightGrandma · 02/12/2021 07:22

I’ve got one in alcohol consumption, but what others did you use ?
I just don’t want to be married to him anymore. I can’t remember when we last had sex, might be 12/24 months. We sleep in separate bedrooms.

OP posts:
Santaischeckinglists · 02/12/2021 07:29

Any financial abuse?
Silent treatment is a recognised sign of abuse..
Withholding affection as 'punishment'.

Chocobuns · 02/12/2021 07:33

Why five? I used three....but whatever you use needs to be true...no sexual relations could be another for instance or sleeping seperately ...

Original poster
GoodnightGrandma · 02/12/2021 07:36

The solicitor said 5.

OP posts:
Original poster
GoodnightGrandma · 02/12/2021 07:38

God I can’t wait for no fault divorce, I really don’t think I can wait until April.

OP posts:
MoiraNotRuby · 02/12/2021 07:42

This might be terrible advice but I'm sure there must be 5 things related to the alcohol

  1. Spent money on alcohol we couldn't afford.
  2. Got drunk at x event and shouted at me.
  3. Got drunk on x date and left all the parenting to me.
  4. Too drunk to be respectful/appealing/intimate in bedroom
  5. Got drunk on x date and didn't go to work so affected family finances.

Good luck op. Sending you strength x

IAAP · 02/12/2021 07:42

Inability to communicate effectively
No affection in relationship
No sexual relationship in at least the last 12 months
Leading separate lives
No shared activities of a social nature
Emotional abuse causing by a lack of communication
Unhappy and unsettling home environment caused by their behaviour
Incompatible in terms of shared values and goals

Take your pick

It’s a tick box exercise

waytheleaveswork · 02/12/2021 07:44

You can use anything that feels unreasonable to you.

I included ones such as following me around the house and ignoring my need for privacy, repeatedly telling me I was unwell, ignoring my requests that his parents not visit when I was ill, and him repeatedly raising his voice.

Fuuuuuckit · 02/12/2021 07:59

OP they really don't have to be big reasons. You've put 3 in your op - alcohol consumption (then think of 2 or 3 examples - mine were prioritises alcohol over family time, is spending family money on 15 bottles a wine per week for his own consumption, refused to acknowledge how much his drinking was affecting his relationship with me and dcs), no sexual relations in at least 12 months, sleep in separate bedrooms.

Add in irretrievable breakdown of marriage and that you don't want to be married any more and you've got enough.

You simply have to show why you don't want to be together any more, it's not a mud-slinging exercise, and the reasons are not recorded publically.

Original poster
GoodnightGrandma · 02/12/2021 08:04

Can I use two thing about alcohol, ie drinking 7 bottles a week plus paying for 7 bottles a week ?

OP posts:
TheresACrackInEverything · 02/12/2021 08:55

I would think more about his behaviour and how it impacts you. I had 6 reasons and all were alcohol related, but all different examples of behaviour. Does he become argumentative when drunk? Forget conversations? Drink in secret? Unable to support you when needed? The trouble with just saying he drinks / buys 7 bottles of wine a week is that for some people that might just be seen as heavy drinking.

Original poster
GoodnightGrandma · 02/12/2021 09:35

The solicitor said drinking a bottle a day is alcoholism, so that’s one.
He’s never drunk or abusive. I]
I just don’t want to live with him anymore.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 02/12/2021 09:38

Is the money he spends on alcohol needed for the family? For instance have you ever struggled to make ends meet with food and school uniforms etc while he's spending all that money on alcohol?

Original poster
GoodnightGrandma · 02/12/2021 09:50

Not now, but he uses credit cards that I don’t get to see the statements of.
One if the reasons I want to split is because I want to live within my means, I don’t like credit cards and have never had one. He doesn’t look at how much money we have, just keeps spending.

OP posts:
Fuuuuuckit · 02/12/2021 12:36

That's another reason then - imbalance of monetary values - he is happy to run up debt whilst you are debt-averse and you wish to cease financial associations with him.

Fuuuuuckit · 02/12/2021 12:41

My solicitor told me it could be really anything - he's submitted papers stating things like 'controls everything that we watch on TV, refuses to walk the dog, drives too fast'.

There's a good Google able article about leaving dishes by the sink that led to divorce. Just has people have uniquely endearing features that make us fall in love with them, they also have infinitely annoying habits that make us want to leave them rather than Bury them under the patio

TheresACrackInEverything · 02/12/2021 13:18

I wrote a 2 page diatribe of everything that I wasn't happy with putting u with (it was cathartic) and my solicitor picked out and rewrote reasons. It was really brief, some specific, some general.

thelonggame · 03/12/2021 18:47

I was advised to use general reasons but also one specific incident within the last 6 months

this was one of mine -
My husband often stayed up alone over night drinking alcohol including the night of ***. When I said I didn't like it he told me it wasn't my business and he would continue to do it as often as he wanted to. This left me feeling disrespected and unloved.

I use five examples, all were in the form of " my husband does blah, blah, blah which made me feel blah " (unapreciated, lonely, resentful etc)

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