Going insane!

[findthecourage]

Has anyone ever felt throughout this rollercoaster that maybe I am wrong ? Maybe I've made it out to be worse than it actually really is. Should I just stay and see how it all goes ?? This is from a woman who's H has not spoke. To her since August, only time he does is with a sarcastic remark from a text I have sent him to try to get him to engage with me in some form. H has a very good relationship with DS but I raised my concerns about his manipulative behaviour with DS ( not hero worshipped anymore by our DS). This did not go down well , hence the silent and stonewalling treatment. I have had to text as he refuses point blank to have a verbal discussion. I finally flipped last week and said we need to separate. Absolutely nothing since from H. I know I need to have more self worth but I just don't know what is preventing me from initiating separation proceedings. Am I just a coward underneath it all ? Am so upset with myself. Has anyone any possible insight into why this is so hard. On paper, it's so simple but with Christmas & worry of causing huge hurt to H & DS is really torturing me

Hi,
Can you provide further details? How long have you been married? Are you still in the same bed? Has he suddenly changed since August? What was he like before that?
It doesn’t sound like fun at all and I think I’d definitely be looking at the separation route.

@CosmicUnicorn apologies for delay. I was procrastinating. I do need to separate. Been together 20 odd years. Have absolutely nothing in common, don't like the same programmes, music etc. Parenting styles now different. I have told him this evening we have to separate. His response was that our DS has been destroyed by me and is a completely different child when I'm not around, for the better apparently! I just said I don't care what you think anymore. Going to be a rocky road.......

He’s spoken to you once In 3 months?

@findthecourage yes, it does sound like you need to move on

@Oftenithinkaboutit Embarrassed to admit but yes. Gave me the silent treatment when I called him out on how he was behaving towards our DS. He didn't like the 'criticism' or 'psychology' bullshit and chose to stonewall me. I had tried on numerous occasions to discuss everything, then text to ask for some mediation, counselling etc. Finally, I told him I want to separate. He gave me too much time to realise what a dick he is & that I deserve better. So am only at the beginning of this process

Op

Imagine how horrific that environment has been for your child.
Living with two others, his parents, not talking for months.

If you are not careful, it will do very serious long term damage to him.

That should galvanise you to take action. Quickly.

It sounds like separating is all you can think about and is something you want. The only thing holding you back is fear. Yes it's hard and can be brutal, but it gets better and you will be so much happier. Do not stay for the children, it is not best for them, you will only truly realise this once you've made the leap!
In terms of next steps, could you engage a solicitor and get them to send him a letter saying something about the marriage having completely broken down and advise you both to go to mediation. That might be the kick he needs to make him realise you mean business, otherwise he will drag this out and you won't have moved forward at all. Start taking control of the process, you can do it!!