I have been separated for four years now, and live with just my DD (13). It had taken time and energy to manage my ex-DH. He is what I now know to be a narcissist. When I was married to him, I couldn't understand what was wrong with him, but now I know and everything has fallen into place. Since me, he has had a three year relationship which ended last February when his drinking (a bottle of vodka on a Saturday afternoon) ended it. My DD has not stayed over night with him since then. And he has been around very little, often not contacting her for days and days, and not spending any quality time with her.
His drinking was beyond awful, when I lived with him. But I always found his pent-up rage and verbal abuse to be worse. However, he is since in another relationship with a woman who is recently widowed. He is very 'charming' and this woman is obviously very taken with him. My DD has met her twice. They now have decided that my DD should spend from Christmas Eve to January the 2nd. He first texted me about it, and as it was such a ridiculous request I ignored it (trying to manage a narcissist is very, very difficult and am trying to reduce drama). Then, I received a text from his new GF (have never met her) saying the same. I responded saying i would ask my DD, and then got back to ex saying that DD would go for dinners any time over christmas but not stay over night. This hasn't gone down well, and he has accused me of 'taking his daughter from him' and now my DD has received a text from new GF saying how much she is looking forward to spending Christmas with her.
I am at a loss. He is unmanageable, and unreasonable. Nothing works. There is no way I can just say that it unworkable. I also can't tell new GF was a truly terrible father he is. My DD is torn - she loves him, and remembers what he is like when he is nice. She doesn't want to hurt him. Do I just let her go? Any advice to manage the unmanageable? Thank you.