Hi, I have never posted on here before but I am in a total mess and don't have anybody to talk to because I have created this situation myself and daren't start moaning to friends who have already had to listen to so much from me. A very brief history - I left my partner 5 years ago because he was emotionally abusive and had started being slightly physically intimidating, though nothing more than poking me hard in the chest, or pushing me with his foot when I was crouched down so that I lost my balance. I took my DC's (then 1 and 3) to a refuge, and after a few weeks found a place to rent. To cut a long story short, I never properly separated from my ex, I stayed at his house sometimes, we took the children on holiday together etc. I really struggled to let go because I couldn't bear to be away from my children when they were so little, he used to tell me that my DD cried for me in the night when I wasn't there. So that situation went on for years, but I always maintained my rental house. I would have bought somewhere but he refused to buy me out of our house (and I was too scared/weak/terrified of the conflict) to do anything about it. During those years he was sometimes lovely, sometimes vile, but I could always escape. Anyway, during lockdown I struggled so much working and trying to home school the children alone in my tiny house that we ended up back at his. After the second lockdown ended I somehow couldn't bring myself to leave, and go back to my house in a town where we don't know anybody. Here me and the children have friends and we feel part of the community. In some ways life is better because I love where the house is, and it is way easier to have the children in one place. He is being way nicer than in the past, but I don't know if it is enough. It is so long since I have been in any other relationship that have lost the ability to evaluate it objectively. Also, because his behaviour now is so much better than it used to be I don't know whether it is still unacceptable. He still sometimes rants and swears at me and the children if the house isn't tidy when he gets back from work, and says that I grew up in a dirty house and it is just a fact that I am dirtier than him but I need to try to change. Btw I am not dirty, nor was my mum. I am normal, just not obsessively clean. He gets really angry with me if I try to cook dinner before everything else is done and says he can't bear how I prioritise food over everything and that I should put that effort into other things. The other night we were eating together and somehow I dropped quite a few crumbs on the table and he didn't drop any. He said that summed up the difference between us, and he didn't understand why I would never learn to be cleaner. And he knocked on the table to imply that I am stupid. So I suppose my question is, are these sorts of comments bad enough for me to think that I really need to get out again. I feel anxious every night when he is due back from work. The kids are worried too about things not being tidy enough and it triggering a rant. I work full time but in a much lower level job than him so 90% of the household duties and childcare fall to me. Do I put up with this or do I need to get out again? Or am I overreacting because I have been so badly treated by him in the past? I am so sorry, I don't think this makes sense but there is too much to squeeze into one post. Thank you