Divorce endings

[Purplepancakes]

Going through a horrendous divorce. Nearly 4 years after seperation due to his affairs.

I'm a mum to 2 children, stbx only has children a few hours a week, no over nights, no holidays, he's just not interested.

What he is interested in is money and will lie and do whatever it takes to make sure he comes away with as much as possible.

I'm not sure how much I can take. Please give me positive outcomes of financial settlement settlement to give me hope.

Really don't want to lose our home. He has significant more pension than me.

My ex hasnt seen our children since we split almost 3 years back. Made me fight through court for the past 2.5 years to settle finances. Didnt engage with the process, refused to file Form E, ran up debt post seperation told many lies to try and get me to give him money, even made threats.

A couple of weeks ago at final hearing the judge awarded me the house, my pension and my savings and ruled that he could have his debt.

I think it was mainly due to his non engagement and his awful debt (over £100k he said) so probably not the norm, but the judge told him the courts dont have time to be wasted by people who cant agree a sensible settlement themselves. Unless there is abuse, or the other person wont engage, you do have to go to a mediation session first to see if you can resolve it outside of court - the court process from first application to final hearing took me two years, so be prepared as its not a quick process at all.

The starting point is 50/50, but then income/pension/main caregiver all comes into it too. I represented my self and just had a couple of sessions with a solicitor for advice. I can recommend the Wikivorce site for people who've been through it, and if you pop your figures on there, they can give you an idea of what would be fair x

We are preparing for second hearing, FDR, mediation was a no go as he's abusive. He's stalled it by refusing to give full disclosure despite directions from court. Likely FDR will be adorned for second time.

@Serendipity79 that's encouraging to hear - sounds like I'm in a similar position with me having savings and ex having run up massive debt. I was expecting to have to pay it off for him so we both would be equal.

The court doesn’t like it when they don’t engage. When my ex did this I emailed the court explained I couldn’t do my questionnaire as he had not done his disclosure and they issued an order with a penal notice attached. Then he breached that as well so the judge made mincemeat of him at the final hearing - the judge bypassed the FDR and opted straight for final hearing because he wasn’t cooperating and they don’t like their time being wasted. Also if they don’t file then their information can’t be used as evidence in the final hearing either