My husband left for for his (female) best friend back in 2012. They both realised they had feelings for each other and decided they wanted to be together. Whilst he didn't move out, we officially "separated" for four weeks before he realised he made a mistake and wanted to be with me (the kids were 9 and 11). He saw her as a friend a few times but then stopped all contact saying that he could see how much it hurt me and if we wanted to make a go of it, he knew it had to be done. All through this, I was amicable and supportive. I just wanted him to be happy.
Current day; they are back in touch. They "ran into" each other. He asked if I minded if they met for a coffee (as it's been so many years and he doesn't have many friends). I said ok. He has now met her once a week for the last four weeks. I have asked him to let me know if he gets any feelings, which he said he would.
But I find myself wondering if I am a mug. I don't want to stop him seeing her as I NEED him to have friends, but similarly I feel I am sat here while he decides whether he wants to be with her.
Today I invited a male colleague/friend (that unnerves hubby because is quite well off and a close friend) in for a cup of tea after he dropped me home. My 17 year old son was at home, so I presumed it would be ok. To start with, when I told hubby, he said he was fine. He's since got home and told me "how proud of himself he is for handling it so well" and how "if he had done that with Jane (his ex) I would have gone mental, but he's handled it really well.
I've literally just lost it. I am so angry that he is even comparing the two. I said "I can't believe you think it would be the same" and he said "it would, she's just my friend". He can't seem to see why I would be unnerved by her and thinks I should just accept his reignited friendship as purely that and forget about the fact that he was once in love with her.
Sorry...I'm rambling. I just needed to get it out somewhere to calm myself down. Just really really starting to feel like I am being made an idiot of PURELY BECAUSE I am trying to be a good person and understand that he needs friends.....
Agghhhrrrrr. And no, I am NOT going to tell him to stop seeing her. That will just cause resentment and, to be honest, if he wants to be with her, the marriage is done anyway. Just so fed up of the lack of understanding and the complete "taking for granting" of the fact I am trying to be so amicable.