when you earn more than him?

[Blancmangecushion]

For the last 5 years I have earned significantly more than H. We are talking around 75% more. However, my income is not stable and his is. His is slowly rising, whereas mine is going down (I am self employed whereas he is FT).
We've been together for 28 years, married for 17 with 3 kids 8, 12, 15.
H does almost nothing. No cleaning/washing/gardening/DIY/house admin/emotional support, but he does work a lot (and go to the pub and socialise a lot).
We have put roughly equal amounts into the J/A each month, except that I have put in about £400 more and he has spent £400 more, so not really that equal I suppose. The left income I have used to overpay the mortgage as much as possible. We were First Timer Buyers in 2016 and have a massive mortgage til we are 70.
I want to leave him but after reading around, it seems I might never afford to? Is my understanding correct:

1. married couples split 50:50 regardless of who contributed higher salary and who spent more.
2. the lower earner might be awarded more in a split
3. to buy him out I need to addc together how much money we have in total, added to the equity we own in the house. If so, then to buy him out I would need a bigger mortgage than we started with if it's split 50:50. If he gets more, I will need an even bigger mortgage. I am nearly 50 and self-employed, and my income is shrinking, so getting an even bigger mortgage seems unlikely to be possible. Please help, I feel trapped :o(

For you to buy him out you need to work out what the equity in the house is (ie value-mortgage=equity). On a divorce you would buy him out for his share of the equity (possibly 50/50 or possibly another percentage depending on other circumstances.

The divorce basically adds up all of the assets of the marriage, which include both pension values (if he is employed and has a secure pension then that might be worth quite a bit) the equity in the house and any other assets. Then it can be split depending on the circumstances.

You need to get rough values for the marital assets and go and see a solicitor to work out what your share is likely to be.

If he earns less and contributes little to the running of your home and does little with the children you are better getting shot of him now. Imagine how free you will feel without an extra useless adult to look after.

So split the savings/pensions (I don't his will be massive as only been FT for 5 years, was also SE before that) and pay him for half the house?
It makes me feel sick :( I have paid back a good portion of the house on my own because I hardly ever go out, scrimp and save all the time, whereas he spends it as fast as he can. And the result will probably be that he gets to keep that money that I worked for and saved. What a fool I am :(

@Blancmangecushion

So split the savings/pensions (I don't his will be massive as only been FT for 5 years, was also SE before that) and pay him for half the house? It makes me feel sick :( I have paid back a good portion of the house on my own because I hardly ever go out, scrimp and save all the time, whereas he spends it as fast as he can. And the result will probably be that he gets to keep that money that I worked for and saved. What a fool I am :(

That’s probably how most men feel when they get divorced! As you have 3 children involved their needs will come first. Also your ages may become a factor, Is there an age gap between you? As one of you may have less time to make provision in retirement. Good luck and keep us posted on the outcome….

It can be hard for both sides realising it's not about what you put in, but i can tell you, you will be in a better financial situation doing this sooner rather than later. More likely to get accepted for s mortgage, longer to recover, house price lower. I wish I had. Once I had reconciled myself to the fact I'd have to settle for a change in lifestyle I knew it was definitely time to move on. What's been hard is that my stbxh really can't seem to accept it, because for him, he'd rather muddle by as we are. Good luck to you in coming to your decision

Rather than buy him out of the house could you sell it, both take your cut of the equity and buy something else, it might feel like more of a clean break.

If your mortgage is massive, surely there isn't that much equity to share?