Finally Told husband

[lovelybones1]

So I've only just managed to tell my husband I want to separate … he don’t seem to understand I want to end things saying I’m probably feeling like this because I’ve been so brutally lying to him for so long and I’m emotionally abusive because of it and asking me to do couples counselling because I don’t know how to deal with my emotions and how to talk he is disregarding my feelings and not listening to the fact I want him to go, he is not willing to go because he has no where to go so he will be on the streets basically turned everything onto me making me feel like the bad guy and like I'm in the wrong for not wanting to work this hard at the relationship:( I need to stand my ground but how

Why does he have to leave if you are ending things?

Of course he doesn’t want to be on the streets. Why would you wish that on anyone in winter.

Unless there is abuse you both need to accept splitting isn’t that easy and requires more than just a quick discussion with one person saying that’s it, we done.

@LemonTT

Why does he have to leave if you are ending things?

Of course he doesn’t want to be on the streets. Why would you wish that on anyone in winter.

Unless there is abuse you both need to accept splitting isn’t that easy and requires more than just a quick discussion with one person saying that’s it, we done.

There is emotional abuse and I am being supported by woman's aid, even with that being the situation I have said he can sleep on the sofa as you've said it's freezing, but needs to sort something out as it is going to confuse the kids (his step kids) he went to his parents at 9:30 this morning and I would like him to stay there considering their his parents they should make space for him to return home so I'm not out in a position where I can be manipulated by him anymore x

Put**

If you’re married and the house is in joint names he has as much right to be there as you do. Given you’re making the decision to split, I think you take yourself off to sleep on the sofa, start separating finances etc. His parents are under no obligation to house him, and it’s not unreasonable for him to return to the marital home - he has a legal right to be there even if you don’t like it.

Can you agree a plan where he goes by X date, or you go. Do you have D.C. together to consider?

Yes I fully understand that he has as much right to be here as his name is on the tenancy but with the emotional abuse and fact I'm getting support from woman's aid and they suggested a refuge or do it this way I thought this would be better than disrupting my children too much, no we don't have any children together so once we separate it would be part ways and have no ties apart from financially

There is also controlling behaviour

It would be much easier for him to leave, of course, but you can’t force him - unless you made a complaint about domestic abuse to the police who would remove him and put bail conditions in place re non-contact until any trial took place.

If he’s abusive and controlling in the relationship, that won’t change now that you want to leave, if anything it’ll get worse, so you really need to think through what you want for yourself and accept that you’ll need to drive things, which may include you leaving if he won’t.