Please bear with my long preamble….. My ex wife walked out three years ago, it was a total surprise as I did not see it coming, just that she had been a little withdrawn for a couple of months after turning 40. I was still deeply in love with her when she asked for the divorce and had been together for 17 years. She refused marital counselling, and then agreed but only half heartedly, and with hindsight, I am pretty sure she agreed to it just to ease the divorce. Needless to say the divorce went ahead. My ex always refused to give any reasons for wanting the divorce, and that was very hard at the time, nor did she show any sign of wanting to mend the marriage. I was just told “I need space” and “I love you but am not in love with you”. She basically emotionally shutdown and withdrew, refusing to talk to me for the next 6 months (except in regard to our two children) while we were living together and trying to sort out the finances and eventually selling our house.
The divorce was a long protracted legal fight as my ex wife wanted to have income which was 150% of our combined income, as well as school fees paid, our house (mortgage free) and any other assets in my name and more she then refused to compromise. She refused to move her position for 9 months, even though it was clearly not possible to give her what she wanted. She harassed me through lawyers letters falsely accusing me of all sorts (bullying and hiding assets etc which was completely untrue on both cases), and ran up huge legal bills which I was paying for as she had no money of her own (despite the fact she worked and I paid all the bills). The FDR was fair and I offered what suggested and she still continued to pursue her dream list until I ran out of money and could not pay the school fees for the children. In the end she did compromise just before court, and she actually ended up with less than I would have given her originally (if she had been able to talk to me) as so much was spent on legal fees.
I used to own a lovely house but now I can not afford to buy a home as the divorce was so expensive. That said I am now very happy as I met someone lovely 6 months into the divorce and we recently got married after being together for two and half years and we are expecting a baby, so my life has definitely turned round for the better. My new wife is wonderful and so much fun (and the same age as me), she makes me see how a marriage should work, a beautiful combination of love, care, communication and compromise, rather than the "do as I say or I will get mad” from my last marriage, and my children love their new stepmum.
My question is why is my ex wife who has been silent with me basically since the divorce is now being suddenly super friendly, smiley when I drop the kids off and has suggested lunch on a couple of occasions. She is also contacting me much more about the children than has been the norm. I don’t think it is a good idea to meet up with my ex for a meal, and it creeps me out that the only times she was friendly during the divorce was when another awful letter or demand was coming from her lawyers (I think out of guilt). I am pretty sure she is not seeing anyone, but I wish she would. Do you think she is just happier, or do you think I should be worried that she is plotting something? Or having possible regrets now it is too late? I want to be kind and be a good ex husband and do the right thing, but do not want to lead her on.