First chat with solicitor next week, what do I need to ask/have ?

[GoodnightGrandma]

Just that really.
I did speak to them about 18 months ago, so this is going to cost me, and I want to get my money’s worth.
What information do I need for her, and what do I need to ask ?

The more specific information you give them, the getter they can advise.
So details of income, savings, pension values, assets , value of any property owned by either party, details of debts.
Proposals for arrangements for any children, and details of any particular needs they might have.
Details of why you think the marriage has broken down. Details of any agreement reached with STBX, and what you suspect will be problem areas.
What do you want to know at this stage? Housing? Arrangements for children? Finance? Timings?
Don't waste too much time going into detail about his affairs/how awful he might be, it's unlikely to impact much on the advice you get. It's about practicalities at this point.

Why can I say I’m divorcing him ?
I really just don’t love him anymore. I’ve stayed for years when I should have gone. Drinks every day. Buys expensive stuff without discussing. Sleep in separate beds. No sex for about 2 years, and then it wasn’t good due to his antidepressants.
I just don’t want to be married to him anymore.

Those things are enough for behaviour. My solicitor wrote mine out for me and then I did a DIY application on my own. Maybe write down some of the things that make you unhappy and some specific recent examples. Perhaps something unkind he did when drunk or a rash purchase.
My solicitor included some text on how it made me feel.
Is he an alcoholic? Would he accept that?

Hi OP, go for irreconcilable differences, the marriage has irretrievably broken down? Take your marriage certificate, possibly bank statements showing your savings/ joint savings, current account information and his income, mortgage statement, information on loans/credit cards... Try to work out what you want in an ideal world before you go to meet your solicitor - would you want to stay in the house for example? I'm sure others will think of more things for you to ask/take.

Good luck 💐

Google DIY divorce and Gov.uk will show your options. I'm not sure irreconcilable differences was an option. It's behaviour, adultery or separation as I recall. Separation has to be 2 years and with his agreement, though they say they are changing the law on time. If you do behaviour, you can do it right away and then get a separation agreement finalised.

How quickly will she file for divorce ?
Will I need to sign anything as I’m doing it over the phone, is that a mistake ?

You will need to let her have your marriage certificate, as this is needed to file. I imagine she'll prepare everything and send it to you.

If you have children and property/assets I would focus on arrangements for the kids and the financial agreement before worrying about actually being divorced.

The kids are 16 and 21, so not a lot to do there.
I’m more bothered about getting the finances bolted down before he does something.

I know what I would like to do financially, but he could push against that just to be awkward.
He doesn’t want this divorce and it would be easier all round to stay, but I’m not, , I can’t wait to be financially independent.

You need to file for divorce to get a consent order and get your finances sorted out. Take a good photo of your marriage certificate, it's all done electronically now. Have you told your husband you want to do this? He'll have to know sooner or later. That's the hard bit. And then the kids. It's up to you when you file for divorce, but it can be very quick, so get the plan on the table ASAP.

I’ve had a few free half hours.
They ask
Names and ages of children
How long you’ve been married
Value of assets, house, pensions, savings etc
Debts
Why you’re getting divorced, only to determine on what basis to file (I’d been separated for 5 years, so was easy in that sense). You don’t need to go into all the nitty gritty
She explained the process. Advised me to change my will and make sure that he couldn’t drain the joint bank accounts.
To start it off I paid the deposit and I still have to post my marriage certificate and sign the agreement, which she emailed over to me.

I did it all over the phone, because of lockdown.

I’m still not anywhere near divorced yet, that’s a whole other thread.

Remember that this has been going round in your head for years. Its probably going to take a while for him to get used to the idea, and it's hard to have a sensible conversation about money until there's some acceptance.

If I could nail down the finances I could relax, we’ve got a large sum in a joint bank account that I’m worried about.
But I suppose that if he takes it there’s a money trail ?

@TheresACrackInEverything

Remember that this has been going round in your head for years. Its probably going to take a while for him to get used to the idea, and it's hard to have a sensible conversation about money until there's some acceptance.

He’s still acting as if his is not going to happen. Maybe he thinks it’s a bit of PMT and I’ll get over it 🤣

Yes, well I sympathise there, OP. Mines still in denial after 6 months. Tbh, I started the divorce proceeding partly so he was left in no doubt about what was happening. And why. I told him it wouldn't make pleasant reading (and that was after my solicitor toned it down a lot!) Good luck with your appointment, I hope you get things moving if that's what you want.

Freeze the bank account with the large sum in.

@hotcrossedbums

Freeze the bank account with the large sum in.

I don’t want to do anything with it until I’ve spoken to my solicitor.