Refuge

[lovelybones1]

Hi I have been supported by woman's aid for a little bit now and they've told me to consider a refuge but I am worried that it is going to be too much for my children to cope with, I have 3 .. 2 boys and 1 girl both boys have challenging behaviour so I'm not sure if it's wise as I don't know how they will cope but then the longer I am in this situation being emotionally abused and the children being shouted at horribly is probably just making the behaviour worse as he is not a good role model 😞 I feel so shit that I've allowed my children to be in this situation and I always want to do what's right for them I'm just afraid of them being really unsettled. Has anyone else been in a refuge with 3 children?

Any advice?

There won't be any children who are unaffected by abuse in the home so the lovely people at the shelter will be very used to some challenging behaviour.

I haven't been in a shelter except as a visitor and they vary a lot. But you and the children will be safe.

@lovelybones1

Hi I have been supported by woman's aid for a little bit now and they've told me to consider a refuge but I am worried that it is going to be too much for my children to cope with, I have 3 .. 2 boys and 1 girl both boys have challenging behaviour so I'm not sure if it's wise as I don't know how they will cope but then the longer I am in this situation being emotionally abused and the children being shouted at horribly is probably just making the behaviour worse as he is not a good role model 😞 I feel so shit that I've allowed my children to be in this situation and I always want to do what's right for them I'm just afraid of them being really unsettled. Has anyone else been in a refuge with 3 children?

Any advice?

There are sometimes other options. Such a temporary accommodation through the council? Have you ever reported the abuse do you have evidence etc?

I haven't reported it to police as it's never been physical, I have reported it to my housing association and woman's aid

@lovelybones1

I haven't reported it to police as it's never been physical, I have reported it to my housing association and woman's aid

Did housing associations give any advice?

Either go to refuge or filter out our belongings make a escape bag and put in for a transfer but his name can't be removed from the tenancy unless he signs it unless he's violent and police are called

Can you not get your husband to leave? Are you renting or home owners? Being in a refuge would maybe trigger social services involvement with the kids but it would get you on the priority waiting list to be rehoused. But you are changing your luck as you have to accept the first offer of a house usually.
Have you spoken to your husband to see if he understands how his shouting or emotional abuse impacts the kids behaviour?
Also what ages are the boys? If they’re older it’s unlikely you will get a refuge space.
Another thing is you may have to share a bathroom or cooking facilities. Not all refuges have self contained flats. You won’t be allowed visitors.
It’s really a last resort for women and children who can’t bear domestic abuse and need to leave their partner for good, though lots go back to them. Just leave though and take the chance of you need to for your own safety and mental health.
Ps if you can cover your own rent or mortgage costs kick him out. Why should you leave? Speak to a solicitor about an occupation order so you can stay in your home.

So We’ve spoke… he don’t seem to understand I want to end things saying I’m probably feeling like this because I’ve been so brutally lying to him for so long and I’m emotionally abusive because of it and asking me to do couples counselling because I don’t know how to deal with my emotions and how to talk he is disregarding my feelings and not listening to the fact I want him to go, he is not willing to go because he has no where to go so he will be on the streets