Husband having an affair whilst I'm pregnant

[anonmama]

Hi

I am coming on for a bit of advice. I haven't been able to tell anyone as I'm too ashamed. I'm currently 19 weeks pregnant and have a 8 year old daughter.

My husband of 10 years has been having an affair for the last 3 months where he has been booking hotels and meeting up for sex and dinners. I've found loads of videos of him that he sent her.

Anyway I found out 3 weeks ago snd he was so apologetic and begged and said that he would do anything to make things right.

2 weeks later he is going out ti 4am being disrespectful saying he doesn't want to talk about things. Anyway I've messaged her on his fb pretending to be him and found out more hotel dates that he had gone on. I just don't know why he didn't tell the truth.

Naively I love him still and always will. I want the perfect family for my daughter and our future child but I just don't know how to
Overcome this and whether it's even feasible to overcome this or just accept it's over and move on.

I'm worried financially how I would cope and what would happen to the house.

Any help or guidance would be great. I haven't told any family or friends as I'm so ashamed and know that once they know there is no going back.

There is nothing for you to feel ashamed about - its all him. Please confide in good friends and family who can support you.

You need to speak to a family solicitor.

I'm not sure you can overcome it, or rather it sounds like he's not stopping.

YOU have nothing to be ashamed of, reach out to family and friends, let them know what's happening and let them support and help you.

Also speak to a solicitor to understand where you stand

I can’t comment on anything to do with finances or the house. But for a relationship to survive infidelity, both partners need to want to make it work. Your DH would need to be moving heaven and earth to restore your trust and begin to rebuild. Instead, he is carrying on his affair, openly disrespecting you, and doesn’t even seem remorseful. From his behaviour, I would infer that he isn’t interested in repairing your relationship. I’m so sorry, it must be so painful, especially when you’re pregnant. You deserve so much more. There will be other posters along to give you really good advice about how to ‘get your ducks in a row’ as they say on here.

He's proven to you that he's not sorry and he hasn't ended things. He's angry at you for finding out. He doesn't have any respect or love for you. Im so sorry you're going through this but you need to find your anger and kick him to the kerb x

Do you have your own bank account ?
Do you work ?
Do you have your wages and any child benefit paid into it ?
Do you own your home or rent ?
Do you or your DH have private pensions ?

People lie because it helps them in the pursuit of their agenda. Which in his case is to carry on with his affair partner, and also have a cosy, convenient family unit.

He has treated you in the worst possible way. You shouldn't have to invest one scrap of energy having to 'understand' or try and adapt to it.

Think about it. He has the affair- lies and cheats. But then YOU have to do all the emotional work to fix it all?

Nah

The fact that he lied again, and is still seeing the OW speaks volumes. You love him, and I know how utterly devastating it is when the man you love, turns into this stranger.
I’m sorry to say that unless he engages with you, agrees to counselling, ending the affair and giving everything to repairing the damage, there’s no hope.
He may well think that he can do what he likes and you will put up with it? Perhaps asking him to separate will make him realise what he stands to lose?

You will have the perfect family for your daughter and your new baby coming soon.
But it won't be with him. You and your children deserve a loving loyal family, not one one with a cheating and unashamed father figure.
I think you should talk to your family and close friends. Bottom line is he is cheating, no one will ever care about his side of the story, they will wanna make sure they can support you through this now.x

Chumplady.com

Definitely second reading ‘leave a cheater gain a life’

I was left with a newborn after finding my husband having an affair. Get yourself some legal advice and a great support system (family/friends) who have your back 100% through all the good and the bad.

Cliche but time is a healer and just ride the wave but just make sure there’s someone dependable to hold your hand when you need it.
Sending love x

Get an STI check first of all. He doesn't sound very sorry.