What did you not realise ?

[GoodnightGrandma]

I’m working towards separating from DH and have a list in my head of things I’ll need to do, I’ve calculated how much it would cost to run the house on my own, but just wondered if there was anything that popped up that you weren’t expecting/didn’t think of ?

Depends if you have DC or not, and what ages they are. If you have DC then depending on their ages, then future costs of child care, holiday clubs, babysitters, swimming lessons, school uniform, birthdays, sports etc etc.....

If just relating to your housing, then future costs could be things like replacing fridge/washing machine/hoover/dishwasher etc. New boiler. General maintenance and repairs....

If you both co-own, then you will need to consider the possibility that he may not sell his half to you.

If you both are on the tenancy of a rental property, he may want to remain in the home.

Are there children?

I think he will sell as he is very fond of his pension, so I think he’ll do a deal.

How completely unpredictable the process is and there are many twists and turns. That you can no longer trust them, they are not looking out for you anymore and vice versa. How expensive it is on your own. I had completely underestimated the cost of life. All the kids clubs, uniforms that get more expensive as they hit secondary school and residential trips etc.... Also, don't expect any help over and above the CMS amount. I get told all the time that he won't contribute anymore money towards the kids as he already pays CMS and it should come out of that. So depressing!

Depending on your age, do not underestimate the value of the pension especially if it is defined benefits.

I've been noting down things into a notebook as I think of them (things I need to get for the new place etc) plus ensuring I have a few days spare to update addresses at the vets, doctors etc. It's helpful to have the notepad list, or a list on your phone I find. Helps with the element of remaining in control too!

@booksforever

Depending on your age, do not underestimate the value of the pension especially if it is defined benefits.

I completely agree.

Yes, I didn't think about pensions and allowed the family home to be sold as I wanted him to have money to move on, rather than forcing him to rent somewhere whilst we stayed in the family home.

Now, 4 years later, I wish I'd just said - I'll keep the home, you keep your pension. I'd be better off now, rather than in another 20 years.

The pension transfer will only be made to another pension, and if like me you're in local government you can't realistically touch it until statutory retirement age without losing loads of money (I think, about to discuss with a pension advisor to be sure)!

How expensive the uni years are. Not just the topping up loan but the house deposits, laptop, car big enough to haul their stuff when they come home. Worth trying get CM extended to end education and also if you get benefits working out when and how much they reduce and running scenarios through benefits calculator. Currently my child benefit and tax credits will end as DS2 turns 18 and my income will reduce but dc will still need financial support and my bills are going up. Maintaining the family sized house and garden has been a big expense and drain on time. The dc like their double bedrooms to come back to during uni holidays but it’s a lot for me to run as it’s an older house and always needs stuff doing and I’m thinking downsizing to something easier to manage. try and split cost school trips and uniforms. My ex claims constant poverty so everything financial has fallen on my shoulders. Future costs can be taken into account so if the roof needs fixing or you will have to top up uni loans then that needs to be taken into account in the financial split. We actually didn’t get divorced immediately and waited 2 years which was good at showing a pattern of how much DH would contribute in time and money. If you can agree housing and CM then there isn’t a rush and it can be useful to let things settle before doing the final financial agreement as good intentions at the start can fizzle out.

You see, I’m not a fan of pensions, and I know Ill get told I’m wrong. But I’d rather have money in my account than wait to be given some every month.
I think I’d rather have the house that I can downsize from, which will increase in value, than pension that I’ve got to wait for.

But I’d rather have money in my account than wait to be given some every month

Most current accounts will only guarantee protection for 85k. A private pension might pay out 15k per year, so you could only safely bank 5-6 years worth of funds.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

But I’d rather have money in my account than wait to be given some every month

Most current accounts will only guarantee protection for 85k. A private pension might pay out 15k per year, so you could only safely bank 5-6 years worth of funds.

You have multiple accounts in non related banks.