Moving from 3 bed house to 2 bed flat with two teens after split

[Milliemoo1908]

Hi everyone,

I am building myself up to leave my marriage but there are a few things that I need to get straight in my head before this happens. The main issue will be housing myself and my dd13 and ds12. We currently own a 3 bed house, I can’t afford to take this on so it will probably be sold to fund new properties for dh and I and whether I buy or rent I will only be able to afford a 2 bed flat, is this doable? The kids will have a room each and I will have a sofa bed in the living room, this really doesn’t bother me but what worries me is the storage situation! Does anyone have any tips or ideas about how I can manage with a lot less space.

Thanks😊

I have just done exactly this and have found it really stressful if I’m honest, thought it would be fine but it’s hard as I feel I’ve no personal space. Luckily we have built in cupboards in bedrooms and a garage but we’ve come from a 4 bed detached with entl suite and utility to a 2 bed cottage. I wanted to stay in house until kids finished education but he wouldn’t agree to anything apart from a sale, we had no mortgage either

Hi Millie thanks for replying. I’m in the same boat in that my H would want to sell the house rather than me stay until end of education. I am trying my hardest to stay positive and persuade myself that I can do this! I hope you don’t mind me asking but do you sleep in the living room? My thinking is that I’ll do that until the kids leave home (I appreciate this could be many years!) and then move into a bedroom. I am just so unhappy at the moment that anything is preferable to this. In the mean time I am trying to think of the practicalities of everyday life such as storage and dealing with drying my washing indoors full time lol I hope you find a way of finding it less stressful soon.

Millie x

Yes I’m in living room on sofa bed, I’m awaiting a new one to come which has storage, my kids are 21 and 16 so maybe a bit easier. Washing isn’t easy that’s for sure I’m just praying for a good winter as don’t want to use dryer constantly!

I would let the teens share and take a bedroom for yourself.

What about teens sharing but with a screen down the middle of their room?

Can you share with your DD? Get a place with a dining room which can be used as a 3rd bedroom?

Have you spoken to a solicitor? You really can't move to a two bed with mixed sex teenagers. Where would you put your own things if you slept in the living room?

Have you run your figures through Entitledto website as if you are renting a 3bed as a lone parent? You may be able to claim some additional support.

Dont forget to factor in any child maintenance due to you.

Did you drop hours at work in order to shoulder more of the family burden? If so you may be able to put a greater than 50% claim on any equity in the house.

It’s not up to your dh
You need to understand your options and housing children adequately will be top requirement
A mesher may be awarded

You need good legal advice which will be unique to your own circumstances

Don’t agree to sake until you’ve had this !

Get legal advice
You may be able to stay in the house for a few years

As others have said - get legal advice. Your position might be stronger than you think. Don't agree to anything until you have firm legal advice on your position. Please see a solicitor.

Thanks to everyone for your replies, Sorry I’ve been at work so not able to reply until now. H and I discussed separating a few months ago and had decided that I would get two thirds of the equity from the sale of the house plus he would pay maintenance so all my workings out are based on that. We live in the south east and prices are very steep. I work full time during term time but no career progression available to me so I was thinking of taking on a cleaning job maybe to increase my income. I need to be close ish to my work as I don’t drive so rely on public transport. I do appreciate that it’s not the best solution to my housing needs, I’m just exploring different possibilities. I have already spoken to a financial advisor about the possibility of getting a mortgage so legal advice is the next step. I just need to know that I don’t have to be unhappy for much longer.

Thanks again

Just to add, if I buy then I might be entitled to some benefits but if I rent I won’t as I’ll have quite a sizeable amount in the bank. Either way, I won’t be able to afford anything larger than a two bed flat.

I think the suggestion of sharing the larger bedroom with your dd is sensible - I'm sure she'd appreciate the space to herself during the day but no reason why you can't sleep in there and share a wardrobe.

Will your ex be able to fund a 3bed home with his settlement and earnings?

Bernadette, it’s very likely he’ll only be able to fund a one bed.

I think sharing wardrobe space with the kids and possibly a sleeping space with dd is doable, just worried about further down the line when she is late teens/early 20’s 😳

You've a few years until then. 💐

Thanks Pick, I can only see obstacles at the moment!

Millie xx

This is exactly why I am trying to get a mesher order. I have two children, a son and daughter and if we sell the house I can't afford to buy another 3 bed. We are in the south as well and rent payments would be sky high. Really hard decisions, and sell now or sell later, they bring up different problems!